The Fashion Magpie On Releasing People for Expectations

Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 254: On Releasing People from Expectations.

*Image above via Anina Hee. I love (!) the look. I believe the boots are actually Jimmy Choo’s Mavis in a kitten heel they no longer make but you can get the look for less with these fab Staud ones, currently on sale!

My Latest Snag: Striped Furlanes.

My new summer uniform shoes just arrived: striped furlanes! I love the idea of pairing these with white denim and a white top for a crisp, casual look or with a navy shirtdress for something a bit more elevated.

P.S. Note that Daphne Wilde is running a sale at the moment!

You’re Soooo Popular: Outerwear + Stripes.

The most popular items on le blog this week:

the fashion magpie blog best sellers

GORGEOUS SPRING FLORAL DRESS

SPORTS BRA — LOVE THIS COLOR

CABLEKNIT CARDI (ON SALE FOR $60)

PEPLUM RUNNING JACKET

BABY BJORN MINI — ONE OF MY TOP 10 FAVORITE ITEMS OF BABY GEAR; EASIEST CARRIER TO USE

SKI JACKET

STRIPED BUTTON-FRONT PULLOVER

KULE TEE (ON SALE!)

QUILTED TOTE

STRIPED SWIMSUIT

MELAMINE PLATE SET

WOVEN VASE

LETTERPRESS STATIONERY

Not seen in above collage but also very popular:

THIS CROSSBODY

STRIPED KHAITE-INSPIRED SWEATER

MARK CROSS-ESQUE BOX BAG FOR $40

DYSON HAIR DRYER DUPE

DOEN-ESQUE CARDI (UNDER $50!)

$28 SWEATSHIRT FOR A LITTLE

Weekend Musings: On Releasing People from Expectations.

A former colleague of mine recently sent a life update in which he shared a Shamanic blessing that had meant a lot to him over the course of the previous year:

“I release my partner from the obligation to complete me. I release my parents from the feeling they failed with me. I release my children from the need to bring me pride, so they can write their own paths to the rhythm of their hearts. I don’t lack anything. I cherish my essence, my way of expressing it, even if not everyone can understand me. I learn from all beings, all the time. I honor the divinity in you and me.”

It is a lot to absorb in a single gulp. But I have found myself returning to the notion of “release” since. How often do I enter a conversation, interaction, parenting moment with a sense of expectation? On a certain level, this is natural — even beautiful, flattering! — as I feel I learn to open up and rely on people the more they consistently show me their love, loyalty, consideration. And so having high expectations of the ones we love is in a sense a compliment, or a token of respect.

And yet.

I love the way this blessing reminds me to center myself. To release people from those unspoken obligations and expectations I certainly carry with me. To give others space to be themselves, express themselves, care for themselves. I really needed to hear this recently to maneuver through a tough moment in a relationship where I was called to quietly honor someone else’s decision and release her from my own desires and expectations for a certain set of circumstances. It took effort. But I was happy to lean on the phrase: “I release xxx from yyy” and remember to cinch in the circumference around what I can control (versus cannot).

Shopping Break.

+These popular rattan frames were restocked but are flying!

+J. Crew’s end-of-season sale is insane! For you: my favorite classic black pump on sale for like $75 (!); tissue turtlenecks for $8; a $50 utility jacket. For your little one: adorable gingham jammies for $10; an $18 cableknit heart sweater; sweet patterned leggings for $6; and this sherpa jacket for under $50. (<<I bought all of these items for mini!)

+The sale is a great time for little boy basics, too — micro owns several of these henleys and pocket tees (great for layering) and I have loved him in this sophisticated little cashmere polo sweater (only $16)!

+Majorly eyeing these shoes for spring.

+Is this not the sweetest birthday dress for a little love? (Sibling match option here.)

+How fun is this bag strap?! Very Hermes.

+Has anyone tried these blemish patches?! Intrigued by reviews. I have to say that I’ve had my fair share of mask-ne (acne from mask-wearing).

+Meant to include this gorgeous skirt (70% off!) in my designer sale roundup. J’adore! Layer over a white swimsuit or pair with a white tee and go on your chic way!

+A crisp $24 striped button-down. Total essential. Love wearing tops like these (unexpected!) under overalls!

+This $80 rattan table would be so cute in a playroom / nursery / play area.

+Just added these enclosure cards to my cart.

+A great throw-on-over-anything cardigan.

+This top is absolutely gorgeous! Love the shape, back, color. And under $100!

+I did end up ordering a few of the items in my most recent children’s post and am mainly excited for this everyday dress to arrive for mini!

+A gorgeous $128 wedding guest dress.

+Adore this silver bow frame for a special photo.

+Love the color of these thermal joggers.

+Cutest tennis skirt of all time.

+For your lego-loving little’s next birthday party

+Mercury glass candle holders at a fantastic price.

11 Comments

  1. Here to echo the endorsement for mighty patches (and most pimple patches – also love the ones Sephora carries!).

    Also, random q but I’ve been wondering this for a while: what constitutes “most popular” in your roundups? Most clicks? Most purchases? Most comments? So curious!

    1. Hi Erica! Thanks for the upvote. Going to try the mighty ones!

      “Most popular” is most purchases!

      xx

  2. I constantly remind myself that my expectations are too high and I need to lower them.
    But… (Can I have a but here?)
    Why can’t people remember basic courtesy! I have a BIG problem going out of my way to do something nice for someone and I never hear a peep (word) of appreciation back! It really bothers me. I bake chocolate chip cookies and go to neighbors and crickets! On New Years Day I made black eyed peas (a real Southern thing), delivered to neighbors and nothing! So now, I remind myself that I’m doing it because I want to do it and not for praise. It helps, but personally I think politeness/manners have left town!

    1. Hi Cynthia — I completely understand. I was talking with a friend recently about how I’m not sure whether I believe in the “love languages” concept but if it IS true or even mildly accurate, my love language is 100% “words of affirmation.” I really respond strongly to positive feedback/encouragement/recognition/just being seen. So I relate to your note on a profound level!!

      xx

  3. I love pimple patches generally, but recommend the Rael brand. But I also recently tried Mighty Patch “rescue balm” for the day after you patch, and I recommend!

  4. Oh, Jen, I needed that reminder!

    I recently had a friend break up (or rather came to the realization that I had overestimated my relationship with someone and now see them more clearly as an acquaintance.) I had been struggling with the idea of x letting me down /hurting my feelings without x really doing anything necessarily wrong…and now I realize it’s all expectation management. How freeing it is to release both of us from any pre-determined expectations.

    Thank you x million.

    1. Hi Veronica! I’m so glad these words appeared at the right time for you. I just went through a similar situation and these words really helped me, too!

      xx

  5. Great article – thank you!
    I just tried Mighty Patch! One pimple totally disappeared by morning. The other pimple went down by more than half & disappeared that day. Wow!

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