Weekend Vibes

Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 60: The One on Regret.

By: Jen Shoop

My Latest Score: First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance Pads.

I shared a full list of the items I was coveting thanks to Sephora’s 15% off promotion earlier this week, but I am especially excited about the arrival of these facial radiance pads.  (Photo above from here.)  One side is nubby and the other smooth, and it’s the perfect tool for priming your face to reapply makeup when you’re not in the mood to fully cleanse your face.  Plus — they’re nearly half as expensive as my tried-and-true Triad Pads.  Very excited about these!

The Fashion Magpie First Aid Beauty Facial Radiance


You’re Sooooo Popular: A Perfect Summer Dress.

The most popular items on Le Blog this week:

+These happy Hermes-lookalike scarves.  Mine came this week and it is ENORMOUS — I love it!!!  You can tie it in so many different ways…

+Such a chic spring dress — those bows!

+An ultra-flattering, lightweight weekend dress for summer trips to the farmer’s market, brunch, etc.

+This happy summer sandal.

+A great sale steal — looks like Self-Portrait, but costs under $100 — with an EXTRA 30% off this weekend!

+I am never without a wet bag when out and about with minimagpie — it is clutch for the inevitable spill/soiled clothes!

+A chic everyday slide for under $60.

+My secret to minimagpie’s well-combed, tamed hair.  (And it smells like heaven.)

+This organizer makes me so happy and keeps my under-sink area tidy as can be.

#Turbothot: Regret.

I read and re-read and re-re-read your elegant and insightful reactions to this difficult-to-write piece on the weight of words.  I don’t think I’ve ever fretted over the publication of any post more than I did that one.  The morning it went live, I walked around with a pit in my stomach: had I gotten it right?  It had taken me a full week to write, and I woke up several times in the middle of the night thinking about how to tweak a certain phrase or edit a certain paragraph — how meta, right? I was especially concerned about the use of the word hygiene in one of the final paragraphs — was it too clinical?  I knew I had to get the language in this particular post as close to perfect as I could given the subject matter.

Alison wrote: “Shame is a horrible, abusive teacher — it might help you learn, but god do you feel shitty about yourself and the whole situation.”  I carried that around with me for the next couple of hours, thinking: “How true, how well-put.”  And it occurred to me, as we took the 66th Street Transverse that slices through Central Park in a cab ride home from dinner with my parents, that regret is a similarly devastating instructor — and I use regret in the sense of grief over what’s not been done.  What’s been missed, skipped.  In general, I subscribe to the belief that everything happens the way it’s meant to happen, and in that framework, regret should have no home.

But there are many things that I have regretted, and over plates of pasta at Sandro’s on the UES, my parents told me about the reason for their visit to New York City — a trip to Castle Gardens — I felt a deep pang of regret.  Let me explain: Castle Gardens is an environmentally conscious apartment building in Harlem that houses formerly incarcerated and homeless individuals.  They offer a range of supportive services, and provide a dignified, we’ll-meet-you-where-you-are approach to the needs of their clientele.  My father has dedicated his retirement years to the cause of eradicating veteran homelessness in Washington, D.C., and this trip was arranged such that some of Castle Gardens’ best practices could be brought back to some of the projects he has spearheaded in the nation’s capital.  As he explained how inspired and impressed he had been, I could only think this:

A few weeks back, I took minimagpie downtown to meet up with a girlfriend on her lunch break.  It was miserable, driving, cold rain.  Taking the Subway in fair weather is challenging enough, but when I introduced inclemency to the mix, I was overwhelmed by the situation, especially given that I do not have a rain cover for mini’s umbrella stroller, so I was attempting to hold an umbrella over her legs while pushing the stroller in a bizarre crab move, rain pelting my face.  I’m not above admitting that I felt both self-pity and pride as I wheeled us through Bryant Park, sopping wet.

On the walk back from an admittedly restorative lunch, I saw a homeless gentleman holding what might be the saddest sign I’ve ever read:

“Homeless and humiliated veteran.  Sorry if I offend you.”

I literally cannot think about the sign without tears pricking my eyes.  Sorry if I offend you? 

I remember wheeling by him, borderline sprinting to the subway stop, and I knew I should have stopped to give him something.  I remember the moment well — my heart said one thing, my head said something else.  I pushed ahead, collapsed the stroller, and clambered down the stairs to board the Subway, feeling — with each step — that I was past the point of no return.

As I listened to my father talk about the reason for his trip to New York, I deeply regretted that harried afternoon in the rain.  And as rode home in the cab, the thrum of the city in my ears, I realized what an effective teacher regret can be — and I nodded in agreement with Alison’s assessment of shame.  Shame is a kind of inward violence, but regret is a soft tearing at the heart.  Both are part of the human experience — they enable us to learn, to grow, to change — but God willing I’ll avoid both as much as possible in the future.

*I promise I’ll write something more uplifting this upcoming week.  YIKES!  Regret!  Shame!

#Shopaholic: Floating Acrylic Frames.

+Obsessed with these floating acrylic frames for showcasing not only photos, but little notes and cards and invitations of personal importance.  I have a couple of beautiful notes from friends and family celebrating mini’s arrival over a year ago that I’d like to immortalize in these!

+Buying a couple of these for toting mini’s snacks on the go.

+The beautiful blogger Julia of Gal Meets Glam has a new collection of dresses out at Nordstrom — I love this one.

+I know a lot of you were looking for less expensive versions of those Simon Miller bags that have been everywhere — HERE YOU GO!!! (Under $70!)

+With the imminent (any day now, pls and thank you) arrival of warm weather, I’m gearing up to get back into my running routine.  I have my eyes on a new pair of Nike Flyknits — they are SUPER LIGHTWEIGHT (almost like a sock?) and I love the colors of this pair (on sale!)

+If I had a formal wedding to attend this summer, I would definitely splurge on this.  I’M OBSESSED.

+This H+M dress is SO GOOD.

+Chic storage option for a nursery or playroom.

+These look like Missoni!

+I have a Veronica Beard blouse almost identical to this one (under $130!) and wear it with everything — layered under overalls, with skirts, with jeans!  SO VERSATILE.  (You can get the look for even less with this $60 steal.)

+Super chic bodysuit.

P.S.  Still unpacking my thoughts around literary role models when it comes to matrescence.

P.P.S.  ICYMI: my favorite collection of blogposts.

P.P.P.S.  Mother’s day is just around the corner!

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8 thoughts on “Weekend Vibes, Edition No. 60: The One on Regret.

  1. So true that regret is a catalyst for change—there are a handful of moments I carry with me like splinters, forever rueing my conduct, yet in the rueing, I’ve largely ditched the traits that caused them. Cattiness, for example.
    Totally switching topics but running sneakers are one of the few things I feel somewhat qualified to give advice on, and I’d advise against running in flyknits (or many Nikes for that matter) unless you have very injury-proof feet. The ankle support is… lacking, as I learned the hard way. But! If you go to Jack Rabbit or Paragon, they will do a gait analysis and tell you which shoes work best. I actually need to go get mine done again as I think mine’s changed a bit post-baby.

    1. Oh, interesting! The Flyknits do lack support — more like socks, right? — but for some reason I find that anytime I switch away from them to another brand, my ankles and knees hurt more…so maybe it’s just my own idiosyncratic gait that makes them feel right to me. I will need to get a gait analysis!


  2. It was nice to read this. To be honest, I didn’t love the post about words. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE your blog and (almost) all your posts. I guess maybe I disagreed with a few things and didn’t have the courage to comment. I know I can be too hard on myself, too.

    On a lighter note, I have some Nike flyknits and I wear them everywhere now, ha!

    Happily still reading 🙂

    1. Hi April — Thanks for the feedback, and for sticking around 🙂 It was a risky post, and I’m glad you’re still here. Onward to happier topics, right?! xo

  3. You always have the most thought-provoking posts. I look forward to them each morning so thank you for posting such real and emotional thoughts and experiences.

  4. I fully agree with your thought that regret is a natural part of the human experience and a catalyst for growth and change. That said, I feel you are quite hard on yourself! I can possibly recognize this as I’ve been told the same thing by my therapist for similar reasons. Please know that you are doing your best, and that tomorrow is always a new day. <3

    Thanks for the heads up about those Flyknits on sale … I have a pair in black & white but love the blush pink option! And that dress of Julia's (from GMG) is so beautiful.

    1. You are right — I have Catholic guilt in spades. I promise I’m not as morose IRL, but your note was a reminder that maybe I’ve been dwelling on some heavier things a bit too long now, and I lapped up the words of encouragement, too 🙂 I am doing my best!


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