My Latest Score
Toooo much shopping this week, including my splurges at J. Crew (P.S. — this came and I AM OBSESSED — so flattering!), but I made the decision to go with this striped one-piece from Solid and Striped over the solid red (P.S. — both are on sale, and more of my favorite sale finds here), but it was a close decision. FYI: Taylor Swift, Gigi Hadid, and Cara Delevigne are all wearing Solid + Striped suits in the pic above.
Speaking of sales and swimwear, if you’re as obsessed with the high-end bathing suit line Marysia as I am, you mayyyy need to take a look at all of these Marysia suits on sale! The much-loved Antibes bikini is on sale for 30% off in some great colors. (I own it in white!)
You’re Soooo Popular
+These bow-topped sandals ($125) are still ultra popular for the second week running. The cutest staple for summer!
+My recently-acquired embroidered J. Crew top ($88).
+These fringed statement sandals (on sale for $77).
+This cosmetics/medicine cabinet organizer ($49).
+Chic blush/neutral eyelet blouse (on sale for $69).
+The perfect asymmetric top for a weekend event ($69).
+The comfiest lounge pants in all of the world ($55).
#Turbothot
I found this post on gender roles when it comes to parenting and housework really…provocative. And I use that word preciously, carefully — it was provocative in the sense that it provoked multiple reactions from me, many of which were on the head shaking rather than head nodding side of the spectrum.
In no random order, it elicited the following:
+a feeling of alienation from the sentiments canvassed in the post, because Mr. Magpie is very much not like the man portrayed here. Mr. Magpie hates when I call him this, but I find him to be the truest feminist there ever was. He is the type of man who makes no assumptions about who should do what in the home or in the business world.
+a deep connection to the “mental load” phenomenon described here. Oh man oh man oh man is it true that I set out to do one thing in the house and somehow find myself an hour later still engaged in housework, having decided to not only throw a load of laundry into the wash, but also stitch a few buttons onto several articles of clothing, and then steam said clothing, and then make a mental note to order more hangers, and so on and so on until a whole afternoon has gone by engaged in such housework and I have no idea how.
+an interrogation as to whether the “mental load” is truly a gendered phenomenon–my father being a prime example of someone who must bear an enormous mental load. He is super organized about keeping his household running, and he runs it like a well-oiled machine (and he owns two houses and is father to five children and grandfather to four–soon to be six grandchildren!). I feel as though he’s always repairing something, scheduling some sort of technician, researching some new home purchase, etc. When I discussed this article with Mr. Magpie, he was admittedly indignant, saying: “but there’s a whole class of chores that women tend not to add to their lists, like cleaning the gutters and mowing lawns and replacing light bulbs, and I stay on top of those.” Just so with my dad.
+a sigh at the…defensiveness? permeating the entire post, and, indeed, the entire discourse surrounding parenting and the new roles we assume and new identities we form as we become parents. I want to choose my words carefully when I talk about this, so I’ll need to defer a full exploration until later, but suffice to say I think we’d all do one another a great service by espousing the old Amy Poehler party line: “GOOD FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME.” I read far too many thought pieces and blog posts and Instagram captions that come off as defensive about the choices we’ve made as parents, and I understand why–there are a lot of naysayers and opinionated know-nothings shouting in your ear, making you second guess yourself all the time when it comes to raising children and the decisions around careers, house life, chores, etc. that by necessity encircle it. But my personal goal is to repeat the “Good for you, not for me” mantra whenever I feel myself tiptoe-ing towards defensiveness. Because, really, who knows what’s best for you and your family better than you do?
I’m curious to hear your thoughts, Magpies!
Shopaholic
+Easy throw-and-go tunic dress ($36) — can’t be the price! Perfect for a beach trip.
+Actually kinda coordinates with the dress above, but what a great table runner for a Fourth of July get-together ($24)! And P.S. — what to wear on the Fourth of July.
+LOVE this monogrammable clutch ($135).
+This is just the kind of breezy blouse that will get a TON of mileage ($128). I love it in all the colors, but especially easy-going white.
Definitely see where you’re coming from, and I can see how this frame of mind (less classification-ist?) imbues basically everything you write about. For me I tend to be in the “name it and say it proud” camp for most things, clearly. I actually had a similar talk with one of my girlfriends a while ago, and she says a lot of this confusion has to do with third wave feminism, etc. I’m an OG feminist though!! I need to read that article, btw.
I deeply respect your perspective/position on this — I think we need all kinds of kinds to advance the egalitarian agenda! I like that you challenge me. Thanks, as always, for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
I agree with everything here, Bunny, but I will say that I think that the term “feminist” has become so freighted with additional meaning/context, so alienated from its original definition, as to occasionally stagnate/work at cross-purposes with the good intentions of those who would like to proudly bear its title. And, there are the purists who would claim “SO WHAT?! Don’t let other people mis-appropriate or malign a term! I am a proud feminist, and I won’t let anyone take that label from me.” And then there are pragmatists who would say: “Eh, it’s all semantics — I’d just the same rather live according to feminist principles but not worry so much about what I call myself.” I see merit on both sides of the table, though I am most definitely in the latter camp. To this point, a high school classmate of mine (hi, Shannon, if you’re reading this!) posted an article from the NYTimes titled “How to Raise a Feminist Son.” She commented that while she loved so many of the notions the article discussed — raising a boy to be empathetic, open-minded, etc — she didn’t understand why it had to be classed as “feminist” or gendered in any way, for that matter. I tend to agree with her. It’s sort of like in my graduate program: I remember once being asked what my “lit crit platform” was–was I reading from a queer theory lens? a feminist lens? a formalist, new critical, or psychoanalytical lens? Perhaps this is naive or unsophisticated of me, but I puzzled over this for some time and felt that selecting any one platform would lead to a myopic view of the text. I feel in some ways the same about her point on this article.
From wiki: Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women.[1][2] This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to such opportunities for men.
Feminist movements have campaigned and continue to campaign for women’s rights, including the right to vote, to hold public office, to work, to earn fair wages or equal pay, to own property, to receive education, to enter contracts, to have equal rights within marriage, and to have maternity leave. Feminists have also worked to promote bodily autonomy and integrity, and to protect women and girls from rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence.[3]
This last point, I think, touches on a previous post: you have bodily autonomy to wear what you feel comfortable in.
I would never blanche at calling myself a Catholic– it is who I am. True, there are MANY terrible acts done by Catholics, but it is an ideology I believe in proudly.
I can tell you that in spite of my education, graduating with the highest possible honors from Harvard and Hopkins, men at my job have still told me “women just don’t have what it takes”– as they openly thank me for fixing their mistakes.
The need for feminism is real. And just as real: the need for those who support it– to be proud of it.