I have been using La Mer face cream since my accident and I swear it is THE BEST moisturizer on the market. It is the only product that actually changes the quality of my skin while I use it — my skin feels more elastic, youthful, and hydrated. Overall, I just look healthier. However, it is very spendy. And during this dry, cold time of year, I find myself applying face cream at least two or three times a day — once in the morning, once when touching up in the afternoon, and once before bed/after the shower. It feels borderline unseemly to use that much La Mer in a given day. (“OK, up and at ’em, time to spend $5 rubbing this cream into my face.”) I decided to supplement with a less expensive, super-hydrating face cream and had been hearing good things about the “moisturizing bomb” from Korean skincare line Belif (over 3,000 4.5 star reviews?) I’m pleased with the results so far — it glides on like a gel and delivers serious hydration. Excited to use this in tandem with my miracle-working La Mer.
Next on my skincare inquiry list: are there any self-tanners that people actually like? I hate the smell of self-tanner so much that I’d rather look translucent and sickly than use it, but am curious if the art has evolved any since I last looked into this circa 2010, when I would occasionally get full-body spray tans for big events. (Have since dropped that indulgence like a bad habit — the smell! AHHH!) I am especially intrigued by “drops” like these that can be mixed in with your daily moisturizer to yield a gradual glow. Do tell!
+My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE lipstick. I am so excited to have discovered this product — it is semi-sheer, so easy to apply sans mirror, and it applies just the right amount of pigment for that “bitten/flushed” lip look.
+My new favorite tinted moisturizer. THIS STUFF WORKS. It is thicker/offers more coverage than Laura Mercier’s classic and a little goes a long way. I love the way it sits on my skin!
I have long loved mornings, especially early mornings, before anyone else is awake. On the now-rare occasion that I am willing to cede an extra hour of sleep to productivity, it feels like stolen time: an extra hour I’ve earned to do with as I wish, a sequestered parcel of sacred solitude to read, or write, or lay in bed and think. Words come easily in the morning (especially ones of rich emotional timbre, like the ones captured in this aubade) and often I find myself scrambling to find a pen or flip open my laptop to capture the spillage before it evaporates into the repetitive but not altogether unpleasant morning menage: pour bottle, change diaper, tidy crib, open blinds, turn on hot water kettle, flip on news, make bed, prepare breakfast, and so forth.
There’s an unearned kind of virtuousness to activity at an early hour. “What have you been doing? Sleeping? Oh, I’ve been working.” And I don’t mind admitting that this fleeting sense of superiority contributes to the overall elevation of the dawn hour in my book. But beyond that superfice, I am always at my creative best in the morning: fresh-minded, optimistic, blissfully free of the consternations that occasionally plague me in the evenings, when I tend toward fretfulness. I like the feel of dawn, too, when the world appears quiet and exposed, sleepily opening itself up to the day, before it has assumed its more characteristic elbows-out posture. The streets are spottily populated, the park void of tourists, and I observe an unlikely kind of peace in the streets of Manhattan. There is nothing but the pile of trash bags on the curb of 63rd street to remind me of the throngs of fellow city-dwellers in such close proximity to me and my thoughts. Sunrise is uncommonly hopeful in New York City in particular, I think. As an epicenter of business and culture, I always feel close to the precipice of greatness here in the mornings. Someone is going to do something unbelievable and important not far from me today.
The sky is streaked with hopefulness, too: everything in ascent, coated in bleary and romantic pastel that will eventually give way to the strident blue of midday.
Even bad days start well.
I read an interesting little book on the daily rituals of celebrated artists, entrepreneurs, and geniuses a few years ago — incidentally, a great gift for creative types. Aside from making great #shelfie material, it offered interesting insight into the habits of the artistic set, and I was struck by how many of them, despite battling horrible addictions and mental illnesses, clung to an ascetic kind of schedule when it came to producing. So many of them rose early to paint or write or think, unencumbered and quiet, in their own studios. I aspire one day to develop the discipline to regularly rise early and write, as I have found a personal Mount Helicon at the hour of six a.m. In my graduate school days, I would wake early and read and write until 10 a.m. on an empty stomach and never have I been more lucid. But parenthood has made such personal devotions jarringly difficult to come by: I need the sleep.
So in the meantime, I’ll cherish those rare mornings of wakefulness at six a.m. and the meaningful output they yield, and will continue to romanticize that dawn hour.
What is your favorite time of day?
#Shopaholic: Throw-N-Go Dress.
+This is such an easy dress for a trip to the beach — pair with Birks (gonna pull the trigger this week) and a big straw tote and throw on over a swimsuit and head out for the day.
I wrote some time ago about my erstwhile angst over my overuse of technology, which has deepened in parenthood, both in terms of how much I use my phone (ahem, what else can you do while supervising a toddler? Too hard to dial into a book, too dangerous to leave the room entirely, too unrealistic to use that time to constantly clean/organize the home) and in terms of how guilty I feel about it. At the dawn of the new year, I decided to let some of the air out of that balloon in two different ways. First, in an effort to be more present, I often (though not always) purposefully keep my phone on my desk, across the room from where I am most commonly sitting with mini. I keep it on my phone stand so I can easily see if there’s a call coming through (because I’ve also resolved, as a 34-year-old adult, to just pick up the damn phone when someone calls me) or a flurry of texts that might need my attention — but it’s far enough away that I can’t mindlessly reach for it in search of a quick scroll through Instagram. And on the other hand, I have resolved to not feel so darn guilty in the first place. I believe myself to be an attentive, involved mother, and have decided to cut myself some slack if I have been dancing to “baby shark” and reading the same four books over and over again for the better part of the morning and I need to take a break and catch up on social media, the news, email, etc. For one thing, it’s good for mini to play by herself. And for another, phones are a real part of this 21st century, and while I don’t want to be a poster-child for being glued to technology, I am also not going to parade around pretending as though phones don’t exist. So. That’s where we are. Imperfect, but trying.
I recently came across a new strategy for restricting technology use in a meaningful way: the one-screen-at-a-time rule. The idea is that we’re often using multiple screens at once, and how can we possibly be affording anything our full attention in that mode? I am especially guilty of turning on the TV and working on my computer or scrolling through my phone, only to find myself distracted and borderline befuddled at the end of the session. My mind’s been pickling in mixed, half-read messages: a glimpse of these shoes on this site, a snippet of this email on my phone, a line from that ad on the TV. And I rarely — if ever! — fully know what’s happened on the TV show I’ve been “watching.” What a waste! And what an unnecessarily noisy world to create for myself!
Mr. Magpie and I both decided to give this “one screen at a time” proposition a test and have been thrilled with the results. I find that watching TV together at night has become more deeply enjoyable. Is it horrible to admit that the first few days I attempted this “one screen only detox” (ha, that’s a stretch of the word!), I felt a vague sense of restlessness during the opening credits of The Office or the occasional 30 second stretches of ads interrupting our programming (I know, I know — we don’t pay for premium Hulu and therefore still have ads on certain shows)? I’d find myself itching to reach for my phone to fill that gap. Ugh! I can’t sit for fifteen seconds without stimulation?! Once I made it through that mild discomfort, I discovered something interesting: Mr. Magpie and I would often use those in-between moments to comment on something from our day, or muse over something in the show we’d just been watching. In fact, I find that we pause the TV a lot more often than we used to because we’re more dialed into what we’re watching and have more to share with one another — “wait, what did she mean?” and “Oh my God, that reminds me…” We’re more aware of watching alongside one another, more attuned to one another’s reactions. And it now feels like a shared activity rather than a time to glaze over. Even more surprisingly, when it’s time for bed, I feel rested. It feels as though I’ve just spent a luxurious hour doing something intentionally enjoyable and relaxing. I can’t say I felt the same when we were both simultaneously “watching a show” and occasionally reaching for our phones or putzing around on our computers; I’d go to bed in a half-alert daze. Now, at the end of a show, I’m unwound. There’s a satisfying feeling of “completion.”
So — test it! See how it goes! And let me know your reactions and results!
+This may seem contradictory to the foregoing message, but I’m intrigued by this shower speaker. I think it’d be nice to tune into a podcast while showering in the evenings! (Who else is an evening showerer?)
+GUYS. I was just bragging about my good konmari and then the other day my beloved iron shimmied its way off the top of my drying machine while it was running and the water tank shattered. More importantly, I realized I’d crammed way too much up on top of my dryer. (I like this to keep my often-used laundering items tidy — I stow dryer sheets, starch, crease release, stain removal spray, etc in it). The area looked tidy and organized, but it was overstuffed. I went through all of the items up there and removed anything I don’t use weekly to stow elsewhere. I like that rule of thumb: organizing belongings in terms of use and relative ease-of-access. Anyway, I immediately re-ordered the iron. Because — as you now well know — I can’t live without ironed sheets. Can I say that this iron changed the game when it came to ironing?! If you’re serious about well-pressed clothing, invest in a good iron! You’ll be shocked at the difference!
+A cashmere sweatshirt for under $100!!! (I still wear this pretty much every other day. The side vents make it surprisingly accommodating of my bump!)
+In an effort at self-improvement: I am still looking for ways to remind myself to drink more water throughout the day. I think keeping this full and at my desk/in my stroller cup holder at all times might help.
+I saw a chic pea wearing these coated leggings with a cashmere duster and a pair of GGs and immediately wanted to replicate the look during this cold snap!
I know that some of my more traditionalist readers (especially the ones accustomed to my wearing pink and pearls) are going to look at me askance with this trend, but herewego. The latest trend on my radar? Tie-dye. It started with Altuzarra’s borderline iconic Ilari dress two seasons ago, seen above on trend-setter Leandra Medine. (Rule of thumb: if Leandra’s wearing something, it will probably go mainstream in another season or two, so take the time to attend to what she’s up to.) Then I started seeing stylistas sport variations on tie-dye from labels as disparate as the well-heeled Tory Burch and the uber-trendy Elder Statesmen (and even always-on-point Gucci). And now I find that of-the-moment label SomethingNavy (sold through Nordstrom) will be carrying a tie-dye print in their February collection. I like I like I like — in select presentations.
Q: I am in need of a new winter coat that withstands rain and wind, and keeps me warm to below freezing temps, but is as light as possible. Have you seen any good winter sales? I’ve looked but I’ve either missed them or they haven’t started yet.
A: OK, my first thought was the much-touted “Upper East Side Mom Amazon Coat” (seen above on the adorable Bridget) — have you been following this? It’s taken NYC by storm. You can hardly leave your apartment without spotting a few on the street! They are super chic (I think they look like a high-end designer with an urban/trendy vibe), cost around $130, and are apparently crazy warm. I’ve had a few pregnant friends mention how much they like the coat because it’s expandable and accommodates a bump. Anyway, if you snag this, you’ll be very on trend and for a fraction of the price of a Canada Goose. BUT. If you’re looking for an investment piece, I’d say Canada Goose — I own this style in the red and cannot say enough good things about it. They’re ubiquitous here in New York (if it’s not the UES Mom coat, it’s a CG), but for good reason. They are impenetrable to wind, rain, and cold. But they’re also pretty bulky, so I’m thinking this might not be the one for you.
And if you want something in between the two, a friend of mine has — and loves — her Marmot Montreaux coat, which is super lightweight and compressible (like you could fold it up and stuff it in a bag/backpack) but also surprisingly warm. She usually wears hers without the fur trim for a super sleek minimalist look. You can occasionally find discount codes for Moosejaw that bring the price down a little!
Q: Our fourth anniversary is coming up at the end of March, and I am absolutely stymied on what to get my husband. Would rather stick with the more traditional linen/silk than appliance and stay away from clothes and sheets, as I already gave him a silk tie from Venice as part of his Christmas present (wish I’d saved that now!). I thought maybe a fruit tree (I think fruits are traditional in England), but our soil is terrible and nothing survives in it. HELP!
A: An early congratulations! Love that you’ve chosen to stick with the traditional gifts — so elegant. This is a tough one given that you want to avoid clothes and sheets. My other thoughts are…
+A monogrammed robe. Not exactly linen or silk but in the vein of linens. Mr. Magpie insisted he did not need one of these, but I gave him one anyway and he wears it pretty close to every morning while getting ready for work. We love the waffle ones from PB (we both have them).
+Not sure if this is his style, but if he’s the type to appreciate fine paper/might use it for personal or professional use, you could get him one of these linen notebooks (monogrammable) with a fancy pen (<<Mr. Magpie just gave me one of these and I AM OBSESSED WITH IT. I literally carry it everywhere with me.)
+Not sure of husband’s style, but Mr. Magpie likes a smoking shoe — and Stubbs & Wootton is the ultimate. These are in linen. (Or if that’s way, way out of your price range, these linen sneakers are cool, too.)
Q: I have a friend who has been named partner at her law firm and I would like to get her a congratulatory gift. Her style is similar to yours and I am drawing a blank for something appropriate (my research has led me to only bottles of rose or things that say girl boss which just won’t do.) I would like to spend in the $50-$100 with $75 being the perfect sweet spot! Please let me know or post of the blog if you have any ideas for adult lady gifts!
A: Wow — congrats to your friend! And how lucky is she to have you as a girlfriend?! So thoughtful of you. A few thoughts:
+My husband recently gifted me one of these fancy but not-too-expensive pens from Caran D’Ache. I LOVE IT. I carry it around with me everywhere and am thinking of buying a second to keep at my desk/by my planner. I like the way that it’s a nod to her professional career (you could do something less girly/less flashy in terms of color if she’s more into neutrals) but also a nice personal affect.
+I have given personalized Smythson notebooks as gifts to girlfriends at various milestones in their lives — engagements, promotions, etc. Such an elegant gift (and comes wrapped soooo beautifully!). Also not something you’d buy yourself. Definitely get it personalized with her initials! Makes it so special.
+Cuyana travel kits are one of my go-to gifts, but they’re a touch more expensive than you’d like to spend — how about one of their tech cases instead? Again a nod to her professional achievement and you can get it personalized with her initials! The leather on their products is AMAZING quality for the price.
+Perhaps a little random (only if talking beauty is natural between you), but I’ve given a few friends these Slip pillow-cases. They are supposed to extend a blowout and prevent wrinkles. You could tuck in a note along the lines of: “Congrats on your big promotion…but don’t forget your beauty sleep!”
Q: I know you’ve covered this before, but where do you get all of mini’s bows?
A: I have been a long-time devotee of PoppyBows — usually a 4″ for everyday wear and occasionally a 5″ or 6″ in style for over-the-top frou-frou-ness. Her prices have been raising steadily (though they’re now on sale — jump while you can!), so I have been investigating other sources, too. WeeOnes are carried by Amazon and ship via Prime, so I’ve ordered a few from there and have been very impressed with quality, too.
Q: I stumbled upon the Gucci bow ballet flats through you and it had been on my mind for so long. And guess what! I FINALLY pulled the trigger after maybe a year and O.M.G. (<– believe me when I say, I almost never use this expression but in this circumstance it is warranted), these shoes are THE STUFF OF DREAMS. I think I heard a choir of angels when I opened the box. I somehow managed to defend my dissertation this past summer (must have been sheer adrenaline) and had been waiting for the right moment to treat myself… and these shoes just HAD to be mine. So thank you for introducing me to these lovely, lovely shoes. I just want to happy dance in them.
But… I need to ask, did you take yours to a cobbler before you started wearing them? I have read on a few forums that some people do this with designer shoes as it’s easier to protect them now (i.e., with a sole/heel protector) than repair later. I have not come across much information written about these shoes in particular, although on one site someone mentioned that once they are altered by a cobbler, Gucci will no longer take responsibility for any issues down the road. So… I’m weighing my options. Did you take yours to a cobbler, and if not, would you mind sharing why?
A: YES!!! I love those shoes. They elevate any old outfit and are probably one of my most-worn pairs of flats! I did not take them to a cobbler, but I do have friends that have done that with higher-end shoes — they’ll get the soles and tips of the heels reinforced with pads so as not to destroy the actual shoe itself. I don’t even have a reason as to why I haven’t pursued the cobbler route; it’s just never crossed my mind. I’ve used a cobbler to repair shoes every now and then (usually high heels to repair the heel tip or boots to replace the sole when it gets worn too thin thanks to the cold/snowy climates I’ve been living in), but have generally found that my higher end shoes hold up really well — and that price is sometimes not just about projecting luxury but is also a measure of quality. So maybe I’m not the best to consult on this, but that’s been my experience at the least!
I would say think about how and when you’ll be wearing them. Predominantly inside? For walks to/from the bus? Etc. If you’ll be getting a lot of “street wear” out of them, it may be worth a visit to the cobbler. If they’re more of an occasional indoor shoe, I think you can skip.
Q: The comments on this post have made me want to request a post related to cleaning – as odd and boring as that sounds. From what I’ve gathered, and the fact that you iron your sheets(!), you must have a great game plan and have probably gathered quite a few tips and tricks over the years that I would love for you to share!
A: I am so flattered! I have to first say that Mr. Magpie is an equal contributor in this realm — in fact, it’s possible that he carries more than the lion’s share when it comes to formally cleaning our apartment. We have a cleaning lady we call on sporadically when we have guests coming or feel the need for a really thorough cleaning, but most of the time, we tackle our apartment ourselves, on a weekly basis. Mr. Magpie almost always starts cleaning the apartment on Sunday morning when mini and I are at Church. He blasts loud music (hip hop or 90s rock) and gets into a groove. But, in between those weekly cleans (and I do think doing a full cleaning every week or every other week makes a massive difference on overall cleanliness/maintenance and your mindset about it; if you wait a month, it’s too overwhelming!), I’ve found a couple of things really helpful for keeping our home clean and tidy:
Place products where they’ll be easy to access by chore. I’d much prefer to keep all of our cleaning supplies tidily in one space. It makes more sense and feels more intuitive — “I need to clean. Let me go to my cleaning cabinet.” But the fact is that I’ll often use proximity to the appropriate product as an excuse to defer cleaning — especially when we lived in a multi-story house. So I’ve learned to keep multiple stations with what I need at my fingertips. One example: we have mirrored glass side tables similar to these. I love the look but they’re prone to collect dust, fingerprints, and glass marks in short order. I’ve started keeping Windex wipes in the drawer of my bedside table and find that it’s much easier to quickly swipe them down every few days when I don’t need to go and grab glass cleaner (<<this stuff is REALLY good) and a cloth/paper towels elsewhere. The same goes for keeping our humidifier, which has been running nonstop for like three weeks owing to a revolving door of colds in our house, clean. You’re meant to disinfect with white vinegar once a week and I found myself deferring the cleaning for too long because the vinegar is in a huge jug all the way at the top of our pantry, buried behind other scarcely used products. I finally decanted a bit into a smaller jug and keep it in our bathroom, where I’ll have easier access to it. Similarly, I’ll keep a pack of Pledge wipes in the drawer of our living room side table so I can quickly swipe down the wood surfaces there in between bigger cleaners. Basically, anything you can do to keep the appropriate cleaning products close on hand will make it far easier to keep appearances tidy.
Schedule weekly/bi-weekly cleans. As mentioned above, we’ve just worked it into our routine that Sunday mornings are cleaning times and we tag-team the work and make it as fun as possible by playing loud music from our teens/early 20s. I also find it dorkily easier to get myself excited about cleaning when I’m excited about the products I use. I like the smell of The Laundress’ products and Method’s wood cleaner is second to none. I like both the smell and the quality of the product. I use these gloves to clean dishes every day, and keep spare/old pairs for housekeeping. Murphy’s Oil reminds me of my childhood (and is the best for keeping hardwood floors clean and non-streaky — I’ve had housekeepers use solutions of vinegar and water but hate the smell and find that it leaves a kind of cloudy effect). And oddly enough this industrial-strength mop is THE ABSOLUTE BEST — does such a good job and somehow does not smell stinky when dried properly. Anyway, as you can see, I get jazzed about finding the absolute best products for cleaning; this helps me stay on point with keeping a tidy home.
I am pretty much tidying all the live-long day, but if that’s a harder muscle for you to flex, consider designating a specific time of day and making the job more pleasant by putting on music or a podcast. We have an Apple Home Pod in our kitchen that syncs with our living room TV and bedroom TV so we can yell to Siri: “Hey Siri, play Alanis Morissette!” and suddenly tidying a messy kitchen becomes a lot more pleasant (and Mr. Magpie can listen in from a separate room). (I LOVE THE HOME POD. I can’t say enough good things about it. One thing I love is that you can control the volume with your voice — “hey siri, turn down the volume to 25%” — without removing your cleaning gloves.) I always spend about ten or fifteen minutes tidying the kitchen just before bed — loading/running the dishwasher if need be, wiping down the counters, reorganizing the fridge, emptying the dishwasher, tossing dishtowels (<<these are the best) in the laundry, etc.
I should caveat all of this by saying I am not perfect and I am not Martha Stewart and I could do a better job at a lot of things, especially regularly sweeping/mopping our floors given how much debris we bring in from the city and the fact that we have a dog. We do keep a small vacuum easily accessible for spot cleans of dust bunnies and the like, and that makes it easier, but I could do better in general…
Q: What’s in your diaper bag now that you no longer need all the baby gear from when mini was itty bitty?
A: I keep things super light nowadays (see what I used to carry on the daily here). I usually stow everything I need for mini in a monogrammed wet/dry bag and toss it into whatever bag I’m wearing that day — usually either my Goyard (<<I have this gray color) or my MZ Wallace backpack, depending on how hands-free I need to be. In it, I’ll keep two spare diapers, an OXO travel wipes dispenser, hand sanitizer, Munchkin trash bags (<<still come in handy for so much more than soiled diapers), a burp cloth (<<used to sop up small spills and wipe down face after meals), and snacks (I usually carry a small box of raisins, a snack bag of cheddar bunnies or Bambas or animal crackers, an apple in a baggie because she never fully finishes one, and Go Go Squeez). There’s also usually some floating bandaids and hair ties in the bottom of the bag that have come in handy more than once. I also keep a small pouch with toys/activities for her that I toss in alongside the wet/dry bag — a tiny coloring book and a handful of crayons, stickers, a Tiny Town book (<<she loves these), and one or two Little People (<<she is obsessed). Basically anything that is small that can fit into the pouch that I can pull out to distract her with when need be. So between those two pouches and a full thermos of water, I’m usually covered with everything I need. There are other moms who are way more prepared with things like neosporin, boogie wipes, a thermometer, etc, etc, but I have found that the amount of times I need those “just in case” items on the go is virtually nonexistent, and there are Duane Reades every few blocks if I’m really in a bind. I prefer to travel light and stay optimistic…
Q: What’s at the top of your lust list right now?
A: Everything here. And metallic Birks for my upcoming trip to FL, which I am still waffling about. I have this fear I’ll buy them and wear them for the one week trip and never return to them again. They aren’t really my style but they’re calling my name…
Shop Le Post.
Shop Le Post: Cleaning Supplies.
Shop Le Post: In My Toddler Diaper Bag.
By: Jen Shoop
I had been happily plodding along throughout this pregnancy, blissful and grateful and willfully ignorant of the imminent realities of childbirth and change — until I attended a prenatal yoga class last week. The instructor was fantastic. The women attending the program were wise and supportive and zen-like. And yet I left in emotional disarray.
It started with the opening commentary: “There are a lot of second-time moms here today. Take a minute to place your hand on your belly and think about this pregnancy, this baby, this journey. What’s new and different about it? Even though it might feel like well-worn territory, it is also a new beginning. A new start.”
I lay there with my heart in my throat. I felt emotionally ambushed. I felt at once guilty for not giving this pregnancy my full attention (something I’d previously considered a blessing), ill-prepared, and awash with the tenderest of emotions I’d not felt in full force since I was anticipating mini’s birth. I felt tears prick my eyes and focused, momentarily, on the din outside the window: the very Manhattan sounds of street-work, honking horns, errant yells.
I knew I was going to be a loose cannon for the remainder of the hour and a half session. Yes, an hour and a half. I had not read the fine print and was forced to politely disguise my horror when I overheard the instructor relay this information to a fellow attendant, regretting having positioned myself so far from the door in the event that a discreet and early exit was in order. An hour and a half of anything is tough-going, but an hour and a half of emotional turmoil is agonizing, and I could tell I was in for it. I gritted my teeth.
We went around the room, stated our names and our due dates, and were invited to share updates on our physical well-being. You may be surprised given that I write this blog, but I am private about certain things — my health in front of a group of strangers being one of them — and I panicked about what to share, groping around for something not-too-intimate. But something surprising happened to me as I listened to the other pregnant women introduce themselves: I softened. I started to feel connected to this tribe of women. I felt, as I did that day I attended the bris of a friend’s son, overwhelmed by the massive march of humanity, by the poignancy of our shared experience. I began to feel pregnant in a far more profound sense than I have this entire pregnancy.
And then we were invited to chant. And I shut down again. I have always struggled to embrace the more spiritual side of yoga, and I mean no disrespect to the many women who appreciate that element of the practice. But it has always felt forced and bizarre to me, as if I were being asked to make the sign of the cross while on the elliptical. And this day was no different: I felt myself withdraw, again distracting myself by tuning into the street noise and foot traffic outside.
And so my emotions were already running amok when the instructor proceeded to use a decent portion of the class to talk us through coping mechanisms for labor. Suddenly, the weepy guilt and connectedness and love I had felt were tinged with anxiety and panic. Coping mechanisms? Mindful labor? What? As we held warrior II pose for an ungodly amount of time, the instructor urged us to attend to our reactions to the burn of our muscles: how were we managing the pain? Were we counting? Repeating a mantra? Leaning into, accepting, opening up to the experience? Breathing deeply? In other words, when met with discomfort, what techniques did we use to make it to the other side? I almost always found myself doing nothing productive but thinking, vapidly, “This is temporary. This will pass. Just make it to when she tells us to stop.” I was surprised to hear another mother share the same instinct as we reflected together towards the end of the session. The instructor nodded sagely: “That’s a coping mechanism in and of itself. Just know that each contraction lasts a minute. Focus on getting through that minute versus the entire arc of labor.” And I remembered, in a flash, the incessant praying of Hail Marys to pass the time while I was having my c-section. “Just focus on getting to the end of this decade,” I had been telling myself. Then: “Just focus on getting to the end of this Hail Mary.” Then: “Just focus on getting to the midway point of this prayer.” Then: “Don’t think about anything else but the words in front of you.”
I left a complete mess. I was sore, emotionally exhausted, terrified and embarrassed by my lack of thoughtfulness about impending labor, bolstered by the presence of so many other pregnant women, distraught about the unknowns of delivering my son, haunted by the memory of my first c-section, encouraged by the discovery that my “just make it to the other side of this minute” was a passable coping mechanism. Mainly, I felt as though I was in a kind of shock. I’m delivering a baby? In, like, a few months? This little body? Me?
Fortuitously, a girlfriend of mine texted me just as I was walking, adrift, down Broadway, aching for distraction. She was asking something innocuous but I cannot overstate my relief as I unloaded my experience onto her, a two-time mom who has given birth vaginally and via c-section and has lived to tell the tale with humor and wisdom and practicality that I have leaned on more heavily than she will ever know.
I issued an ineloquent brain dump on the class and my attending emotions that culminated in this: “It dawned on me that I know zero things about labor except for the maybe two hours of it I experienced prior to having an emergency c-section last time. It sucks that I feel like a tenured mom but am going into this delivery and facing the same unknowns and anxieties I had the first go around, assuming all goes to plan (HAHAHA) and I am able to have a VBAC. It’s put me in a weird, slightly anxious mood. Maybe good in the long haul to have confronted some of these thoughts now.”
She wrote: “Second pregnancies are sneaky like that. You’re so distracted with your first that you don’t have the time/energy/mental space to obsess over everything!…I will say that my experience overall with the vaginal birth was just better (and it was my first kid so I had no idea!) — more relaxed, more intuitive, more pleasant (Team Epidural forever), immensely easier recovery. Maybe that will give you some peace of mind?”
Then: “I made a point of not taking any birth classes or reading too much and it felt like my body was doing what it was created to do, you know? All I needed was a little support from my husband, good doctors and nurses, and an epidural. You’ll do great. “Worst” case, you’ll have another c-section, which I know is probably not your preference but it’s a known experience. The devil you know and all.”
I needed to hear every single word she said. I soaked it up like a sponge. I carried it around all afternoon, hanging on with particular intensity to her use of the word “intuitive” when it came to vaginal childbirth. I clung to her example, having determinedly not read much about giving birth prior to her own deliveries, and having turned out just fine.
I was reminded of my observation that there are two types of mothers: those who need to read and learn everything they can in order to feel empowered (“knowledge is power,” a friend of mine once said, fierily, as she explained why she was reading so much prior to the birth of her son) and those who are overwhelmed and even incapacitated by too much information. I am in the latter camp. I have learned this about myself time and time again over the past many years. I don’t want to read ten articles and books on potty-training. I want to poll the handful of moms I trust and follow my instincts and be done with it. Anything more is debilitating for me.
And that’s OK, my friend reminded me.
My body was doing what it was created to do, you know? It echoed through me. It reminded me of something important: that across the entire range of coping mechanisms we’d discussed in the yoga class, we’d not talked about faith. And I understand why, too — too political, too touchy, too dicey. But as I scrambled to figure out what my “coping mechanisms” were in class, I’d entirely overlooked the chief ones I lean on every single day, in matters meaty and minute: faith in my religion, faith in my doctors, faith in the love and advice of my loved ones, and a gritting kind of determination to just make it through the next minute.
So here we are. I don’t think that I’ll be going back to that particular yoga class again, but I’m grateful for the provocations it presented. It left me more mindful of and grateful for the support system I’ve built for myself, and, I think, better prepared for labor in a couple of months, provided I don’t need a second c-section, and I’m pretty sure that since I’ve made my preference known, I’ll definitely need a c-section, because that tends to be the way the cookie crumbles. But, ya know. The devil you know…
Post-Scripts: A Registry for Baby Two.
I’ve had lots of requests for my registry for baby boy. We truly do not need much, as we miraculously hung on to EVERYTHING from mini except for clothes and bottles, which I donated. But below, the new items on my list:
+Kickstand for mini (plus adapters — ugh, Bugaboo must laugh all the way to the bank with their overpriced attachments) to ride on the back of our Bugaboo. I’ve written about this previously, but we’re trying to avoid buying a double stroller — unless we discover we need one once micro arrives. We do have a Yoyo that we can use if we ever need both in strollers simultaneously (and are out and about together). We had a long debate over whether we should also buy the newborn attachment to the Yoyo, knowing that we have the bassinet attachment for the Bugaboo and (see below) will be investing in additional carriers. We thought probably not — under what circumstance would we need the newborn attachment to the Yoyo when we have a bassinet for the Bugaboo? Pls discuss if you’ve been down this rabbit hole before.
+Pacifiers. Mini only accepted a pacifier for a month or two, which, I understand, is probably a blessing in the long run (one last habit to break, one fewer orthodontic challenges), but man was it nice to be able to mollify the babe in a pinch. We used, and will re-purchase, Wubbanubs (smart because the stuffed animal holds the pacifier in place — and they look cute!), but I’ve heard good things about this brand, too. Will probably buy one of each.
+Kissy Kissy onesies. Gerbers are good backups, but the quality of a Kissy Kissy is second to — well, only second to 1212 onesies, which I will also buy several of. Both Kissy Kissy and 1212 have the absolute softest, silkiest cotton and it holds up so well over time. I think they’re absolutely worth the investment for sizes NB-6 months, when all you want to do is swaddle the little one in the softest of fabrics.
+Jefferies Socks in itty bitty sizes. I prefer to buy all socks in white (I still only buy white socks for mini, except for when it comes to knee socks, which I buy in all colors). You’re never without a mate, they go with everything, and I think the colored/patterned ones can be dicey style-wise. I don’t know why I’m so ascetic on this front…
+Philips Avent 4 oz bottles. I had bought an assortment of bottles and nipples for mini, and these were her favorite from day one. Personally, I like them because the lids actually stay in place (not so with Comotomos) and, with time, can be removed with one hand (not at first, though — it takes practice and loosening), the bottles NEVER LEAK EVER (!!! not so with many other brands), and they’re easy to hold.
+Baby Bjorn Mini Carrier. OK, call me a nut, but I have two carriers at home (the Baby K’Tan and the Lillebaby) and I’m buying two new ones for this baby. I didn’t like either of the first two — the K’Tan always felt unsecure to me, though I know other people LOVE them, and the Lille Baby was just a general pain in the ass to put on and adjust. I am sold on the Baby Bjorn Mini because it’s designed SPECIFICALLY for newborns up to 12 months, which is basically the only time I’ll be carrying this child anyway (any older is too heavy and long for my frame). I like that this isn’t trying to be a Swiss Army Knife: “use this from when your child is first born until she’s 22!” It doesn’t have 498 positions. It doesn’t have 39489 straps. It’s just meant to easily transport a newborn. I’ve heard it takes a minute to get used to it, but once you do, it’s easy as pie to maneuver, and I like the feature that you can completely unsnap the front in order to deposit a sleeping baby. My plan is to use the Bjorn and let Mr. Magpie use the Lille so we don’t need to constantly be adjusting and readjusting the straps depending on who’s wearing the baby. The carrier is SUPER important to us this go around because we’re trying to get by without a double stroller and I imagine I will be wearing this baby ALL THE TIME.
+Second carrier: Solly Baby. Isn’t the gingham print adorable?! I had a lot of readers and friends recommend this and I’m running with it. It’s apparently a learning curve at first but then people live with it. We shall see…I’m encouraged by reviews.
+Second camera for our Infant Optics DXR-8 video monitor. Mr. Magpie gave me grief about this one given that we live in like 1000 square feet. (Do we even need a monitor at all??? And — isn’t mini outgrowing hers?) Hear me out. First, I had debated whether I wanted a video monitor before mini was born — wouldn’t sound be enough to let me know whether I should run in and check on her? Well, possibly, but the convenience of being able to see whether she is standing in her crib while crying or laying on her stomach with her eyes closed while crying cannot be overstated. I have probably pre-empted about 394898 dozen sleep interruptions on her behalf by being able to quickly check the screen vs. slide back the pocket door to her nursery and rouse her. Further, sometimes I hear something and quickly glance at the monitor — was that her moving in her crib, or did something just fall off the wall? This gives me such peace of mind. I also like that it has a thermometer built into it because we live in an old, pre-war building and the radiators turn on or off at the pleasure of some operator in the building (who knows where he/she is), so it’s either boiling hot or freezing in the winter time. We have to crack the window ever so slightly if the radiator’s going full blast or layer her under blankets if it’s not. The temperature gauge gives me peace of mind as I go to sleep — “OK, she doesn’t need me to run in and bury her beneath blankets.” BUT ANYWAY. I think it will be ultra nice to have a monitor focused on micro, who will sleep in our bedroom (naptimes and nighttimes alike) and on mini, too, while both are sleeping (ha). And even if they’re not both sleeping at the same time, it’s so much more convenient to have a separate camera in place, permanently, versus moving one camera in and out of rooms. And while I don’t think the DXR-8 is without problem (for one thing, the power cord does not lay snugly enough in the socket of the camera, which means it is often “off line” unless we very carefully jam in the power cord and prop it up just so; for another, the battery life of the monitor is pathetic and I finally had to figure out a way to keep it plugged in all the time on my bedside table), it is DEFINITELY the best on the market, having read SO many reviews of competitors. Nest cameras are the only ones that came close to deterring me from the DXR-8, but they run over WiFi and our old house would occasionally run into spottiness with signal coverage; the DXR-8 seemed more infallible.
+Hipp Dutch baby formula. I did a ton of research on this after mini was born. I had heard it was smart to have baby formula on hand in the event that breastfeeding did not go as planned (and it did not for me), but I’d just assumed that the free stuff I’d gotten in the mail would suffice. I found that Hipp was much gentler for the baby to digest, smelled far less offensive, and did not stain as easily. It also has far less artificial ingredients. I like ordering from A New York Baby because it’s a small business and they ship REALLY FAST. I’ll be buying a canister of this FOR SURE.
+Aden + Anais burp cloths and swaddles. We still have a bunch of these, but they’re all in pale pink girly prints. I really like those burpy bibs because they fit around the crook of your neck, are SUPER thick, and can also be used as a bib for baby (the snap in the back enables you to clip it around baby’s neck). I honestly still use these burp cloths all the time for wiping up small spills, cleaning noses and hands, wiping mini’s face, etc. I’m rarely without one. We also always preferred cloth swaddles to any of the “swaddle contraptions” with velcros, zippers, etc. Mr. Magpie and I were both very good at swaddling after the nurses showed us how in the hospital, and mini stayed in a cloth swaddle until maybe five months of age. The Aden & Anais ones are the right size and shape — you’ll find a lot of “swaddles” that are too small or in an oblong shape that does not work for swaddling the traditional way.
+Babyzen Nuna Pipa adapters. I was pretty jazzed to find that you can now clip the Nuna Pipa right into the Babyzen. This will make traveling by car a breeze.
+Little Giraffe baby blanket. We have one of these for mini in pink and she sleeps with it every nap and bed time. Super soft. Also, I’m pretty sure all of my siblings and I had similar-looking baby blankets with the wide satin trim and they make me feel nostalgic.
+Sleep Sheep. Mini still sleeps with hers on. I love this travel model because it can be velcroed onto anything — a crib, a bassinet, a stroller, a carseat, etc. I’m debating whether or not to just move mini’s sleep sheep out of her nursery and affix it to micro’s crib and buy this Hatch baby sound machine for her room now that she’s older and it can double as an “OK to wake” clock, as we are planning to transition mini out of her crib in the next six months.
+Nose bulbs. I could never get behind the Nose Frieda. Call me squeamish and old-school, but so it is. I was actually pretty adept at using these bulbs (it takes practice and a flick of the wrist) with mini so I’ll stick with what I know…
+Changing pad liners. These are clutch early on for an extra layer of protection while changing diapers. Also, much easier to toss this into the hamper versus changing the entire pad cover.
+Mrs. Meyers Baby Detergent. We now wash mini’s clothes with our own (and have for some time). I’m excited to wash and fold all of micro’s layette with baby detergent!
P.S. You can find all of my favorite baby gear — all of the stuff we already have and own! — here.
Shop Le Post.
By: Jen Shoop
I am now Mr. Magpie’s part-time barber. He buzzed his head on January 1st — new year, new look — and his new (and handsome) ‘do requires biweekly maintenance. As he sat on a stool in the shower while I ran the electric clippers over his head, I felt an unexpected surge of fierce possessiveness. We have been married for a long time and yet still there are privacies between us. I will not trim my nails or tweeze my brows in front of him. He is blessedly demure about phlegm and other sounds and emissions of the common garden male variety. And so there are still moments where I feel as though I am opening a door to a new level of intimacy, in all of its savage abandon. On this particular occasion, as I shaved his head for him, I felt a primal sense of marital ownership: he is mine, and I will preen him and tend to him until the ends of the earth.
Do you feel this way too, Magpies, when you are engaged in the tenderest and most personal acts of care for a loved one?
I have perhaps been thinking a lot about this as I prepare for childbirth and anticipate the many indignities that come with it. Well — indignities is a loaded and unfair word, as childbirth is natural and we should not feel shamed for its collateral, but let me speak honestly and say that I could do without my husband or mother having to pick up a pad the size of Texas off the bathroom floor for me, as happened while I was recovering from my first c-section. And I have further been marinating on this theme as our home succumbed to a bad cold and I have been applying Vicks and replenishing humidifiers and doling out medicine around the clock for both mini and Mr. Add to this the fact that I have been attempting to potty train mini while tending to the minor health condition of a loved one that has required humbling hands-on care and also preparing for the arrival of a helpless, care-hungry newborn and — yes. I have been thinking a lot about the emotional terrain of caring for another.
In these moments, I feel overwhelmed with love and connected-ness, even when they are not particularly glamorous or pleasant. I am moved by the opportunity to wordlessly demonstrate the depth of my affection, often steeling myself from emotion and adopting a kind of shrugging “of course I’ll do this” posture — something I learned from my mother, who will replace a bloodied bandaid or rub an aching foot without so much as batting an eye. A girlfriend of mine called this “mom strength” a long time ago, when we were traveling through France by train together, and we agonized over the bizarre and moving proximity of a small and unkempt cemetery next to a burnt-out looking train station on our way to Annecy. I was haunted by the image; I must have brought it up half a dozen times that afternoon. Something about the modest bouquet of wilted daisies on a grave not far from the rough and surly industry of the train station left me weepy. At some point, she commented: “Some days I can’t wait until the days of mom strength, when you can look at that kind of thing and not be bothered by it.” I knew what she meant — my mom is loving and warm but also tough as nails. I think back to when I had surgery at the age of seven and I never saw anything but an encouraging smile on her face, even though she must have been horrified. She has seen things, endured grief and agony and pain at the hands of her five children and her six siblings and her two parents and her countless loved ones and come through to the other side with a kind of all-knowing endurance.
I have not achieved true mom strength yet, but I find myself increasingly capable of attending to minor and major caregiving opportunities without my emotions getting in the way, calmly welcoming new intimacies in all of their savage abandon.
*This phrase — “intimacy, in all its savage abandon” — was lifted wholesale from the beautiful film Colette; more musings on this worthwhile movie here.
Post Scripts: Fruit Prints, Sale Scores, + Cosmetics.
+I got eyelash extensions in December for the holidays. God do I love them but they absolutely destroy my natural lashes. I don’t trust anyone who says otherwise — or maybe I just have weak lashes? But I can only do them like once a year. I have been a long-time devotee of DiorShow, but I’m testing IT Cosmetics’ Superhero volumizing mascara after a girlfriend raved about it. And I have to say, her lashes looked incredible. Stay tuned!
+I’m starting to fret about what to do for mini’s second birthday in March. Our apartment is simply too small to host a bunch of rambunctious toddlers, and I had no idea how expensive and involved it is to rent out a play space for the occasion! It seems tedious to me to have to schlep decor and treats and gifts to a new spot when you only have two hours for the whole thing to begin with. I’m completely at a loss as to what to do. That said — check out the adorable party gear here. I’m loving this strawberry motif and this lemon one! Maybe I could do a little fruit-themed situation — mini’s favorite snack. (At a recent playdate, my friend was shocked when mini dominated an entire cereal bowl (<<she has this Juliska pattern and I envy it something fierce every time I see it) full of strawberries and grapes instead of the neighboring one of cheez-its. I don’t mean to sound virtuous here; the girl just loves anything sweet! She’ll just as readily finish an entire bowl of bunny grahams.)
+These boots are so cute for a toddler — love the bows. Mini has worn Donsje animal booties for the last two years, and they are so well-constructed and snuggly, but she’s now in the very biggest size for toddler feet and can barely fit into them. I’ll need another snuggly option for next winter season; I have to say those bow bedecked Uggs are probably it!
+They still had this jumper on sale in mini’s size! Win, especially paired with a cute floral blouse like this.
+I’m also tempted to buy her this sherpa sweatshirt (a few sizes up from current size) for winters to come as it’s marked WAY down right now.
+Mini has gotten a lot of use out of this Patagonia fleece this winter. The brand is worth the expense, IMHO, because it washes very well, is extremely warm, and holds up. Definitely worth hanging on to / passing down to future siblings and cousins. My eyes are peeled for impending winter sales; I want to stock up on Patagonia fleeces in sizes up and down for both mini and micro!
+These mules are SO FUN. And also heavily discounted!
+These would be such a great piece for me right now — I could get one with Mr. Magpie’s initial, one with mini’s initial, and one with micro’s initial. ($198 for set of 3!)
+My mom has a set of vintage copper jars like these that she uses to stow flour, sugars, etc. LOVE. So pretty on the countertop!
Shop Le Post.
By: Jen Shoop
My Latest Snag: Le Hair Accessory.
It started with my headband obsession, and suddenly I found myself drawn to scrunchies, if you can believe it. (Get the look for less with these or these; if you’re ambivalent about the look in, er, “civilian clothes,” consider pairing them with your workout lewk for a little pep in your step). But then I’ve started seeing barettes on street style starlets and I have to say, I NEED ME SOME OF THESE. I especially love the looks below and above. Get the pearl look with these or these or this ($3!?), the Gucci look with this, and a dramatic bow statement look with this or this.
And I wanted to say thank you! I anxiously await your insights, reactions, and provocations every Saturday morning. You have made me a more critical thinker and a more empathetic writer, though I still have a ways to go. (Remember when I had to redact a whole portion of a post that was written in poor taste? Thanks for keeping me in check.)
So today, coffee is on me for the first 10 or 15 Magpies to get themselves to Starbucks. Just pull up this screenshot and scan at Starbucks when you check out. Treat yourself! (My go to order is an iced soy latte. Grande when I’m feeling indulgent.)
#Shopaholic: The Crossover Knit Top.
+I am so into this crossover knit top. I’m curious whether it’d work while pregnant? It reminds me of Missoni and is pretty much exactly what I want to wear everyday while it’s so cold out!
+I have heard really good things about this broom for those who suffer from allergies and/or have a lot of pet hair to clean up. The dust/hair cling to the broom and easily wipe off into the trash versus staying tangled up in the straw bristles.
Shop Le Post.
By: Jen Shoop
Cosmetics rarely go on sale, and so I had to jump all over BlueMercury’s current promotion — 15% off orders over $100. This little windfall has empowered me to bag Dr. Barbara Sturm’s much-written-about “glow drop” serum, which, at a regular price of $145 was just a leeeetle steep, but at the discounted price of $123 seem plausible. (Don’t ask me — I’m not a pricing expert. There is certainly a psychology to these things.) I’m dying to give them a try. (Who doesn’t want to glow in the winter?)
I also used the opportunity to snag Chantecaille’s Tinted Moisturizer. I was highly skeptical of this product given the price tag and the slender size of the tube when compared to my go-to Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. BUT. I am completely hooked. A makeup artist applied it for me the other day when I stopped in and I was impressed with three things about it: first, it offers slightly more coverage than Laura Mercier’s formula, which I honestly need right now; second, you use a lot less product than you do with Laura Mercier to cover your entire face (it’s just a thicker, more pigmented product); and third, I love the way it glides into my skin. I find that Laura Mercier’s can occasionally pool or lay on top of my skin; this feels like it blurs right into my pores, evening out everything without looking like I’m wearing anything but moisturizer. It’s incredible. I finally feel like I can actually just apply tinted moisturizer, mascara, and a dab of blush and head out the door. Anyway, having that extra 15% off brings the price down to $62, which feels a bit more palatable to me…
Because I was at the Chantecaille counter, I also tested out a few other products. I did not care for their concealer (not enough coverage) or cream blushes (could have been user error, but they came on super strong), but I loved their brow gel (very natural-looking, not stiff), their luster glide eye liner in the violet damask color (would never have thought to try dark purple, but the makeup artist insisted it would bring out the blue in my eyes, and she was right!), and ESPECIALLY their lip chic which I now where every single day. The formula is incredible. It’s sheer enough to apply without a mirror and it glides on kind of like a light lip balm with just enough pigment to make you look “finished.” I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE.
Other things not to miss:
+One of my all-time favorite beauty products. This powerglow peel is AMAZING if you’re in a pinch and looking a little drab and need a pick-me-up before a night out. I have given these to so many of my girlfriends and sisters!
+La Mer Moisturizing Cream. The O.G. I have been using this ever since my fall, trying to pull out every last trick in the bag to minimize the appearance of my scar. There is a “soft cream” version of this, but I find that I run through that in so little time that I feel flat-out guilty given the hefty price tag. This original moisturizing cream is thick — almost paste-like, to be honest — and I warm it between my fingers slightly before applying it. A tiny dab is sufficient for moisturizing your entire face, and it was originally designed for burn victims so you know it’s seriously packed with goodness. It is, to me, the absolute best investment you can make in the skincare world. It is thoroughly moisturizing and improves the tone of your skin.
+Chantecaille Rose de Mai face oil. I love this oil so very much. It’s light, moisturizing, and I feel about five years younger when I wear it regularly under my makeup. I usually only wear it in the winter time, when my skin is dry and in need of extra nourishment.
By: Jen Shoop
I have had so many friends text and email me for book recommendations in the past few weeks that I thought I’d share a list of frequent suggestions here. (I think a combination of new year’s resolutions and beach getaways may partially explain the influx of queries — ha!) I recognize that my book club picks are not for everyone and every occasion; I tend to skew towards heavier fare in pursuit of meaty discussion. So here are a range of recommendations for all kinds of palates and situations. Caveat emptor: I have not read all (or even most!) of these books; they have either been heavily recommended to me by people I trust, or are earning a lot of press and praise for one reason or another. And who doesn’t love a buzzed-about book? (P.S. — Loved your thoughts and insights on speed-reading. Do you do it?)
Thrillers: If you like Girl on a Train type books…
+The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantin. This was all abuzz about a year ago and I still recommend it to folks looking for a thriller with a weird and wild twist. SO FUN. And also really gross. AND FUN.
+Rebecca by Daphne DuMaurier. An oldie but a goodie.
Frothy Beach Reads: If you liked The Royal We…(and who didn’t?)
+One Day in December by Josie Silver. (N.B.: I did read Silver’s book and found it sorely lacking in character design, plot depth, and especially quality dialogue. BUT. It did tick some boxes when it came to wanting an easy-to-read rom-com in book form. I could almost see Hugh Grant in some of the more cinematic moments of the book. If I’m being honest, it was fun to crawl into bed at 9 p.m. and read this vapid book.)
Cooking Memoirs: If you like Ruth Reichl and Molly Wizenberg…
+Intrigued by these razors/blades after hearing about them on a Goop podcast. I like that they’re attempting to reduce the “pink tax,” i.e., the higher price on products when marketed toward women. How are Gillette women’s razor blades so, so expensive?
+Love Tuckernuck’s inexpensive scarves. I own one in pink already and love tying it to handbags, using as a belt, or wrapping around my head as a a headband.
+Love this recipe book. Would be a thoughtful gift for a recent college grad or a burgeoning cook, filled with a couple of your favorite recipes.
+This wundertool just dropped to $43 and I am *thisclose* to ordering to see what all the fuss is about.
+My dream jeans right now. Love how they are styled on the site, with white slingbacks and a voluminous top. #postbabygoalz
Shop Le Post: Les Books.
Shop Le Post: Les Post-Scripts.
By: Jen Shoop
For a long while, I was in denial about the capacity of the washing and drying machines in Old Louise. They’re petite and stacked — not quite as small as the ones we had in the unit we shared after we were first married, which could hold about one pair of underwear and one washcloth per load, but nowhere near the capacious joy of the industrial-sized ones in my parents’ laundry room. For months, I would attempt to jam all of our sheeting and pillowcases and occasionally a spare towel or two into one load and would then grumble about the agony of disentangling and ironing them afterward. A few months ago, I finally came to terms with the fact that I was overloading the machines and needed to commit to a full day of laundering if I wanted to properly clean, dry, and iron my sheets.
I was thinking of this just yesterday, as I embarked on hour six of operation change-my-sheets, a weekly to biweekly (as in once every two weeks) occurrence chez Shoop, depending on the busyness of my schedule. It dawned on me that the simple practice of cleaning my sheets has become an all-day commitment (“can’t do it Tuesday, as I’ll be out most of the afternoon and don’t want the sheets sitting in sog for a few hours”), and I was startled to find that I wasn’t frustrated by this observation. I just nodded with a sensible kind of, “What are you going to do? If you want crisp sheets, this is the price you pay.”
You see, there are no shortcuts in life. Or so I have learned with time and maturity, through the opening and shuttering of a technology business and through the slow and steady evolution of this writing/blogging one. They say that it takes around 10,000 hours to become an expert in something, whether that something is playing an instrument or perfecting a golf swing or speaking another language. 10,000 hours. Anyone who promises you the easy way out, the 1,000 hour bypass, is selling something specious.
Sure, you could outsource the laundering. In fact, there’s an easy calculus to the value of my free time vs. the amount of time I spend ironing vs. the cost of having the dry cleaners downstairs handle it. But if it’s something I’m determined to do on my own, that I don’t half mind, well — I realized just yesterday that it’s not worth doing it all if I’m not going to do it the right way from the start.
And so I’m done with the notion of shortcuts.
And I’m over the word hack — especially when “life” is appended to the beginning of it.
And I’m finished with feeling guilty for not accomplishing something “big” every single day.
Instead, I’ve made peace over the past many months with the occasionally disappointing pragmatics of what can be achieved in a day, an amity that has proven to be one of the many unlikely and lovely gifts of motherhood. Some days my to-do list leaves me beaming with accomplishment. Other days, I’m relieved to have folded and put away a single load of laundry and successfully prepared three meals for mini. Lately, I’ve grown unbothered by these inequities in my day-to-day to-do lists and increasingly pleased with the general feeling of momentum I have established in my home. I think this is in part owing to the maturation of this pregnancy (over halfway there!) and the general feeling of mounting excitement for the future, and in part owing to the slow and final acceptance of my new and seemingly permanent roles in life: mother, homemaker, writer, wife.
About a year ago, I had lunch with a girlfriend downtown. She is in a committed relationship (but not married), deeply dedicated to her job, and with no immediate plans for children or pets. I couldn’t help but compare the ballasts of our lives: she was plotting upcoming extended travel abroad and important business meetings and I was probably pondering whether the next day was a suitable laundry day. She asked, unprovoked, how I was doing in that genuine way she has, her earnest eyes searching me for an honest and non-pat answer. I found myself faltering. I shared that some days I feel “less than” when asked what I do for a living. That other days I feel a biting sense of guilt when I nip out for the last hour of one of my nanny days to get a manicure and an afternoon latte, haunted by the thought that I should be doing something productive and work-related every hour I have the nanny on hand. And that still other days I relish my role as a mother and homemaker and can’t imagine spending half my week doing anything else. I then bristled at my self-absorption: I am aware of the insane privilege of having the opportunity to choose what I want to do, of finding a passion-come-profession that meshes well with motherhood, of having the financial resources to have a part-time nanny and enjoy an afternoon manicure and a latte to begin with.
That shuttlecock of guilt and uneasiness and self-shaming has all but disappeared in the past many months. I wrote late last year that I’ve never been so at peace in my life, and while I’m not sure where this calm has come from — whether it is age or the fading of painful memories or the confidence that parenthood has afforded or simply the inevitable comfort (complacency?) that comes with doing anything for a sustained amount of time — I find it much easier to shrug off the occasional flare of embarrassment I experience when someone asks “Where do you work?”, to pat myself on the back at night even when the only checked-off to-do items were routine chores around the house, to tell myself: “You are enough.”
And I can tell you this: there were no shortcuts involved in this evolution.
Post-Scripts.
+I had some girlfriends over for Monday to watch The Bachelor and I made these (along with several snack recipes from this cookbook, my go-to for fun recipes for events like the Super Bowl) and they were INSANE.
+Looking for bump-friendly exercise gear as I went for my annual physical and the doctor politely nudged me into getting into a more formal exercise routine. (“What do you do for exercise?” “Um, I chase a toddler and walk around Manhattan.”) I promptly signed up for pre-natal yoga and went on the hunt for maternity-friendly exercise gear. This tunic-length sweatshirt (sized up) looks promising, and I just ordered these.
+It took me awhile to accept the return of the scrunchie, but I saw a chic gal at my nail salon wearing a scrunchie, a boxy neutral-colored sweatshirt, skinny jeans, and some GG sneaks, and she looked so on-point for a quick errand run. I want these.
+I was so sad to hear of the brilliant poet and writer Mary Oliver’s passing. So oddly timed that I would have written about one of her poems (<<a must read) just over a month ago.
+All of the sudden, I outgrew all of my bras (#pregnantmomproblems). I don’t know what I did last time around because I don’t recall buying any different/new sizes. I think I just made do and/or wore sports bras? But anyway, I decided to treat myself to my favorite bra in a larger size in the prettiest shade of pink and a couple of these uber-comfortable CKs in the cutest patterns, on sale for only $11/pop!!! I got the pale pink, a polka dot, and a stripe.
+This is my favorite maternity shirt. Found it on sale for $19 in select sizes here.
+Into metallics right now. Love these for mini (on super sale) and these for me (also on super sale).
+Just added this to my next Amazon order — read the reviews!
+This post may in part inform my allergy to speed reading.
Shop Le Post.
By: Jen Shoop
We’re heading to FL in February, and it’s been fun planning mini’s warm-weather wardrobe (and imagining what micro might wear). A few of my favorite finds below:
+I finally broke and went crazy on the La Coqueta sale now that prices are up to 60% off. I had to have this gingham dress in particular, which will be coming with us to Naples.
+These are my favorite towels for mini in the summer. Super compact/lightweight so I can stow in my diaper bag on the off chance we wind up at the splash pad.
You turn 37 today and you are not happy about it, but but but —
I look at you and I see the life we have built together with all of its nasty, crooked jags and its tender, fortunate mercies. I see in your eyes the weight and joy of recent years, borne equally.
Of the many things I love about you (and there are so, so many), lately, I have found myself leaning particularly intensively on your uncanny ability to simplify things. You look at a problem and see only solutions. You do not permit yourself to wallow in the agonies of indecision or woe-is-me or why-is-this-happening for long. Instead, you assess and move swiftly toward resolution. You’re not into funny business or sleight of hand or roundabout curlicues; you are straight-forward, direct, your reasoning abilities razor sharp, your moral compass better tuned than the engine of a sports car.
I envy the simplicity with which you live your life, and I draft off of its elegance. When I come to you with a concern or an aspiration or an observation, your calm, logical energy makes me feel at once in good hands and eminently capable myself.
Thank you for cutting such a handsome shape, in this arena and across countless others.
Onward we go, full throttle.
P.S. I still feel all the jitters when I think about seeing you in Lyon when we were just babies.
P.P.S. “Half of me sees the smile wrinkles in the corners of your eyes, the graying hair, the distinguished look you’ve cultivated with age — physical reminders of the very full, though not without struggle, life we’ve lived thus far together — and the other half sees the boy in the olive green shirt that brought out the hazel of his eyes when we were just kids.” More on how much I love you here.
P.P.P.S. Some of my innermost fears about remaining interesting to you have long since been disproven, THANK GOD.
Mr. Magpie’s Birthday Loot.
We don’t always go big for holidays/birthdays — sometimes it’s a smallish affair and other times we go all out. It was a go-all-out kind of year for him. He worked hard this year — professionally and personally — and I am so proud of him. In addition to burgers at Minetta Tavern to mark the occasion, I also snagged the following gifts:
+Inspired by the TV show Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, I bought him this fancy soy sauce (he loves sushi and I think this will bring the experience to a new level) and this high-end seaweed salt, which people go nuts over (and is featured on the show).
+While in Charlottesville for our little two-day trip, Mr. Magpie enjoyed his fair share of cocktails. He’s into old school ones like the Bijou, the Aviation, the Vieux Carre, and the Last Word. He mixes a lot of old-fashioneds at home and it dawned on me, while watching the bartenders mix drinks, that while we have a pretty elaborate set of barware utensils, Mr. Magpie does not have a proper cocktail pitcher and tends to mix his in a shaker (even when it’s a stirred cocktail). I ordered him one of these along with this highly well-reviewed “vintage cocktail” book (he already has a few in his library, but Garden & Gun raved about this particular one).
+Not truly a birthday gift, but Mr. Magpie recently cut his hair really short — “like Matt Lauer, if Matt Lauer weren’t a perv” is how I’ve been describing it. I love it on him; he looks younger and more athletic. He’d been debating it for nearly two years and then, on New Year’s Day, he announced that it was his new year’s resolution, went downtown to a barber, and cut it all off. I was so proud of him. It takes big guts for a dude to buzz his head. Anyway, I’ve now become his personal barberette (?). We bought this (again, very well-reviewed) to keep his short hair on point every two or three weeks.
+Mr. Magpie lives in his J. Brand Kane jeans. They are slim-cut but not skinny; Mr. Magpie is not a skinny jean kind of guy. They hold up ultra-well in the wash and with the hard way in which men wear all clothes. So a new pair were in order.
+Mr. Magpie’s big gift was a Canada Goose Langford coat. I should have bought him one back when we lived in the arctic midwest, but it’s been chilly in these parts, too. I don’t care if everyone and their mother owns a Canada Goose — it’s with good reason. These coats are the warmest, best-made parkas known to man. Sometimes I see him head out the door when it’s 22 degrees outside in just his Barbour coat and I think, “Oh hell no!” This solves the problem.
