By: Jen Shoop

As you probably know from over-excessive documentation, I have been reworking my skincare regimen for 2021 and will write a full post after I’ve lived with it for a few months, but I wanted to cut in with some of my recent beauty discoveries that I can honestly report back on after a few weeks of use…

+Ilia Limitless Lash Mascara. I was frankly dubious of Ilia after my underwhelming experience with their skin tint, but I gave their mascara a try after a few Magpie readers recommended it. I am a serious mascara junkie — it’s definitely my desert island beauty product, along with SPF. I would rather have acne on display than no mascara. It just makes me feel “done.” Because of this, I feel I have tried nearly ever mascara on the planet and am a fairly harsh grader in this product category — and I was VERY impressed with Ilia. I usually prefer a dramatic, inky, volume-building mascara (I wear Armani most days), but this is wonderful for low-key, more natural-looking “morning lashes.” It is absolutely incredible at separating, lengthening, and curling — but not volumizing. I have now started wearing this most days and then adding a few swipes of Armani in the evening. Is it so strange that I do this despite the fact that I am always at home? I have no idea, but it makes me feel happy to glam it up just a touch come five o’clock. At any rate, the Ilia is a keeper and I’d strongly recommend for anyone, but especially someone looking for something natural-looking (and clean!)

+Westman Atelier Lit Up Highlight Stick. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes! This is similar to RMS Beauty’s Living Luminizer but — in my opinion — a better formula in that it is much easier to apply (and also more handily sold in an easier-to-use applicator). This stick is totally colorless and invisible but gives you that gleaming, glowing Gwyneth skin you know you want without appearing to have done anything but drink forty gallons of water to achieve it. I swipe this on daily on my cheeks, brow bone, and cupid’s bow — it is low-key enough to wear during the day without looking like you’re headed to a disco ball, believe me. Just the kind of under-the-radar boost you need to make yourself feel like a glowing goddess in the dead of January. I swipe the stick directly onto my skin, even over the top of blush/eyeshadow. The stick does pick up a little bit of the makeup on your skin but I just swipe it off after and it hasn’t been an issue. VERY INTO THIS PRODUCT.

+Westman Atelier Baby Cheeks Blush Stick in Dou Dou. After using this, I think I’m realizing that I’m just not that crazy about cream blushes — or perhaps just not adept enough at applying them. I want to like them but I find them very difficult to apply without appearing slightly clownish. I wore Tata Harper’s volumizing lip and cheek stain (also a cream blush situation) prior to this and struggled with the same issue; powder blushes are much easier for me to control, build in intensity, and blend. That said. I love the color and formula of this W.A. product — it is much easier to blend into skin than Tata’s is, and the color is SO gorgeous and sophisticated. I feel like I’ve just gone on a long promenade in the chilly London air (can you tell I’ve been watching “Bridgerton”?) when I apply this. I just started using one of my Artis brushes to help with the blending and I think it is helping me out — I will continue to use and report back as I improve in skill!

+LuvScrub. My curiosity was piqued after several Magpies raved about this body exfoliating tool. I mean, it’s a mesh wash cloth! And people were literally crazy about it! However, I now totally get it and can’t wait to tuck it into gifts for girlfriends this year. It’s beauty is in its length — you can extend it and use along your back sort of like you might a towel when drying off to really scrub the entirety of your back! And it lathers up beautifully! And it polishes your skin (especially my shoulders and decolletage for some reason?) to a high, fine, gleaming shine. It is unbelievable! Very into this product. Will never use a loofah again.

+Amope Electronic Foot File. A good utility tool to keep in the closet when your feet are really dry or callused, though I have to be honest and say that I am a little scared of it. The instructions tell you not to run it over any part of your foot for more than a few seconds and I’ve been skittish around it ever since, imagining myself letting it linger too long and then burning through my toe. Haha. I do think it works well, though — much better than any cream could! — at truly exfoliating and polishing. My feet were so smooth after each use, and then I moisturize heavily. Thanks to the reader who recommended this — did not even know it existed!

+Essie Gel Couture Nail Polish. The name is a misnomer, as this is NOT a gel polish (i.e., you do not use one of those UV lights — you just apply it like a normal polish), but it lasts much longer than any nail polish I’ve ever used at home before. I am now hooked on doing my nails at home after a manicure hiatus since the start of quarantine in March. Let me backtrack and say that my mother has gotten her nails done at 10 A.M. on Friday mornings for as long as I can remember. “This is something I do for myself once a week,” I remember her saying with the slightest of sniffs even when I was only seven and blinking in confusion at the vague concept that my mother might need to actually care for herself at some point between shuttling around, nurturing, and feeding her many children. She went to a fancy salon, too, and saw the same technician, Gloria, for nearly 25 years (maybe longer, even), until Gloria retired and moved away. The salon smelled like warm laundered towels and Gloria scoffed at the unseemly idea of cutting cuticles (“push back only”). When I would sit in the leather chair alongside my mother on the occasion I’d shadow her there, I would watch Gloria elegantly and carefully varnish my mother’s nails while chatting about children and grand-children over the roar of hair blow dryers. Then my mother would practically skip across the street to her parked car, her fingers lifted up in front of her in the universal gesture for “I HAVE WET NAILS,” as the salon’s street was zoned for one hour of paid parking, the meter maids in Northwest D.C. were surprisingly vigilant, and her appointments always abutted against the time limit. Then we’d sit in the car and she’d continue to dry her nails, keeping a steely eye out for meter maids. There was something about this ritual that stuck — the escape and elegance of it all. So, since the age of 20, I have gotten my nails done once a week, too, almost always in fire engine red or white-pink and rarely at salons as fancy as my mother’s. (I keep trying for the dark colors I find so chic on other women, but then I look at my hands and they do not feel like my own and it scares me.) Strangely, giving myself a manicure using the Essie polish returned to me an element of my former self, a vestige of my mother. I am hooked.

+Clarins Double Serum. OK. OK. I should wait until I’ve been using this for a full couple of weeks (as I am trying to do with the rest of my skincare regimen) but I have to rave about this product after only a few weeks of use. This serum is MAGIC. I have used and liked several serums and oils, but this I think is proving to be my favorite. It is a dream to apply (and smells like botanical heaven), and it leaves my skin so hydrated, happy, bright, and smooth! I feel like I’ve just basted a turkey or something — is that the weirdest analogy?! My skin just GLISTENS after this. It is wonderful. I’d put it above the Ole Henriksen Truth Serum and probably also Vintner’s Daughter. They all achieve similar outcomes, but I prefer the consistency and glistening, hydrating effect of the Clarins. (It is so much easier to apply than any other serum I’ve tried — it is not as runny/oily as V.D., and it does not disappear as quickly as the Ole Henriksen, which I always felt I had to apply a few pumps of because it would evaporate by the time you’d dab it on your forehead. You can really feel Clarins absorbing into your skin but it glides all over your face with just the two designated pumps. I just LOVE it!!! Love!

+O-Cedar Sponges. This is not a new discovery but I just reordered a pack and have to say — a small thing, but these are simply the best dish sponges. They are thicker and, well, spongier than the standard Scotch Brites and I find them more effective. I randomly switched back to Scotch Brites a few weeks ago because I’d run out and immediately regretted the decision. Super tiny adjustment but these are where it’s at.

+Unfussy, unbranded mop cloths. This is nothing exciting but we bought a huge pack of these to decrease the number of paper towels we use and they are such a random Godsend! They are ULTRA absorbent, a great size for wiping up quick spills and drying dishes and glasses, and very soft. I read about these on a random Reddit thread and I’m so glad we gave them a go. We still keep prettier kitchen towels out for decor/drying hands, but these are SO handy for those of you who cook a lot at home.

+Tracksmith running gear. I invested in a few new pieces from Tracksmith and I am seriously in love with their merino base layer tops. Where have I been living and how was I running in the cold without these?! I can’t believe how lightweight yet warm they are. I can wear one of these under my New Balance jacket in temps in the low 30s and still feel perfectly warm — sometimes even hot by the end of my run. I am tempted to order more already. I also ordered a pair of their tights but had to exchange for a different size. I’m normally an XS in everything but the pair I got were uncomfortably tight at the waistband (which has a thick band of elastic stitched into it). I re-checked the size chart and I am doubting that the S will fit well, but we shall see. I am thinking the brand might be ideally suited toward a true runner’s body — long, lean, sinewy! — but will report back. If the pants don’t work, no sweat. I’ll order more of their merino tops!

For enquiring minds, the skincare regimen I’m testing currently…

A.M. Rinse face with water (I have often applied an overnight mask/product the night before). Cleanse with Living Libations cleanser. Note that this stuff is very hard to find at the moment because Kourtney Kardashian just shared that she uses it and now it’s the HOT HOT. It’s sold out most everywhere in the full size, but you can find a travel size (good for testing purposes) here. I wet a square of Shiseido facial cotton (so so good), apply two pumps of the cleanser, and then run all over my face. Then I re-wet the same square of cotton and run over my face again. Then I apply a topical vitamin c and follow with the Clarins serum, then sunscreen, then eye cream, and, finally, moisturizer.

P.M. Wash face with Tata Harper regenerating face wash. I use Almay makeup removing pads on my eyes (or Bobbi Brown makeup remover mascara is being stubborn). I still love those Billie wipes but find I use them less frequently than daily with this skincare routine — I now like them for after my runs in the morning or if I’m doing my makeup over in the evenings. They are serum-infused, so I don’t think they are worth it just for eye makeup removal. Then I alternate between applying one item: a retinoid, glycolic acid pads, a gentle and hydrating mask, or nothing at all.

P.S. More beauty finds for the new year here (read the great comments! — will be sharing reviews of several of the products listed here in forthcoming installments) and more honest reviews here.

P.P.S. My favorite beauty buys of 2020.

P.P.P.S. How do you define self-care? (Such interesting comments on this post.)

By: Jen Shoop

Now is my favorite time to scoop up precious finds for next fall/winter season, while cute items are discounted to half off! A few amazing finds at Bellabliss…

RED CORD OVERALLS (WOULD BE DARLING FOR VALENTINE’S DAY, JUST AROUND THE CORNER!)

CUTE PLAID DRESS FOR AN OLDER GIRL

REMINDS ME OF A PEPA AND COMPANY DRESS I LITERALLY SPENT TRIPLE THE AMOUNT ON — CUTE FOR A BIRTHDAY DRESS!

SMOCKED GINGHAM PERFECTION — LOVE THOSE PUFF SLEEVES

P.S. Ellifox also has a great sale going — classic navy sailor-esque dress for a tiny lass, Question Everything magic, and the cutest toy soldier rollneck.

P.P.S. If you’re a Lilly lover, there are some insane deals happening right now — this scallop-trim dress is $52 and their classic shifts for little ones are $40!

By: Jen Shoop

A girlfriend of mine sent me a link to a pair of shoes and wrote: “I’m walking that fine line of thinking these are weird but also I *need* them, you know?”

My response: “Girl, wear what makes you happy.”

On the downslope of this fourth decade of my life, I tell myself and my friends and my Magpie readers —

Wear the house slippers that make you feel slightly ridiculously like royalty,

The faded gray Virginia sweatshirt that still smells like your husband before he was your husband,

The tulle gown of your dreams (inspired by the infectiously happy photo of Aworo Mayowa above),

The tube socks that throw major Diana-exercising-in-1984 vibes (worn over leggings and pulled all the way up),

The feather trim caftan dress that makes your heart sing with frivolity,

The nap dress that makes you look pulled together but feel like you’re wearing pajamas, styled a la Nellie Diamond herself, with a black turtleneck leotard underneath, even when your husband calls it your “sister wife look” (aHEM),

The coordinated loungewear set that you will one day look back on and cringe at (“that was so 2020″),

The exaggerated collar you know you want to try to wear,

The Aran knit sweater that belonged to your grandfather,

The oversized flower studs that are on just the right side of overdone,

The Uggs you’ve been hiding in your closet that you secretly want to wear all the time,

The velvet bow headband that makes you feel like Brigitte Bardot,

The elaborate headpiece that might shock your friends,

The frilled and bejeweled cardigan that belongs to 1892,

The over-the-top sequined golden Saloni for an at-home celebration for two,

The cocktail ring you inherited from your aunt,

The Birks that, you think, aren’t even really your style,

The ultra-loud and borderline ridiculous Gucci cardigan,

The white bike shorts and denim shirt that make you feel, while pregnant, like Annie Banks in “Father of the Bride II,”

You do you // you do you // you do you.

I must cheesily bookend this post with a bit of script from an excellent 90s Western that Mr. Magpie and I re-watched recently, “Tombstone.” (Side bar: were the 90s not the golden era of action films? I find the ones nowadays are over-engineered and rendered totally ridiculous by CGI? Mr. Magpie and I always talk about how the animontronics achieved in “Jurassic Park” still supersede any of the computer-animated monsters and critters we’ve seen onscreen in the past few decades…)

Doc Holliday: What do you want, Wyatt?

Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.

Doc Holliday: There is no normal life, there’s just life, ya live it.

And so I say again, mainly to myself and perhaps it will resonate with a few of you this morning, too — you do you // you do you // you do you.

P.S. A lot of the items listed above I own and wear to make myself happy. Also really filling my fashion cup at the moment: turtlenecks and chunky cardigans, my Birdie’s slides (just re-stocked again, RUN), a Ganni leopard maxi dress from a few seasons back that I love to wear around the house in the evenings (look for less with this), glossy red nails (<<I wear the “Rock the Runway” color and use this exact kit and the manicure really lasts!), and oversized ear muffs (these are also #goalz). Also pretty much anything from this post on dressing like a present.

P.P.S. Lots of good (chic!) bundling up options. I think I might invest in a Moncler coat next year — this one in the pink is at the top of my list.

P.P.P.S. As a corollary to this post: does anyone else feel like she has been running against the wind at certain times in their lives?

By: Jen Shoop

*The number of pictures I have of Hill/Emory and I in permutations of this exact pose in my bed is…uncountable.

As a follow up to my post sharing 15 must-have items for newborns (read the comments — some great additions/caveats!), sharing some must-haves for new moms…

+Water bottle. I was so thirsty — always — while breast-feeding and recovering and often immobilized because I was either nursing or rocking baby. I learned to keep a full water bottle at my bedside constantly (can’t tell you how often I’d send Mr. Magpie for a refill), and I specifically loved my Klean Kanteen with the sports nozzle attached because I could drink one-handed/without having to screw anything off. However, I did find it leaked when turned on its side in the bed, which happened…several times. Bonus points for one that does not leak if turned on its side in a bed — maybe the hydroflask is better in this regard!

+Mother Love nipple cream and gel pads. Nursing can be painful at the start — good to be prepared with these items.

+Nursing pads — some mothers prefer the reusable ones but I used the disposable. It’s important to replace them frequently to prevent infection/irritation and I found that aspect easier to stay on top of with the disposable ones.

+Post-partum underwear. These are the best! Very soft and non-cinching. I also found the high-rise waist a must with the c-section scar, but imagine these would be fantastic regardless of how you’ve delivered.

+Nursing bras — I tried a lot of different brands but Bravado was my favorite. Soft, comfortable, yet thick/supportive, and not all nursing bras fold down/unclasp with the ease/simplicity of this style. I also liked Majamas when I was first starting out — it’s a pull-down style so good when you are just getting the hang of things.

+Nursing nightgowns — I preferred these to pajamas while immediately recovering from my c-section (nothing close to the incision, pls and thank you). These Gap ones are inexpensive, soft, and pretty.

+Cotton bathrobe — I would layer a robe over my nightgowns most nights, and I liked this ultra-soft, breathable cotton layer.

+Nursing pajamas — A little further out from the c-section, I started living in my Lake nursing pajamas. Super soft, well-designed for nursing, and I love the fun stripes/prints. I also loved my Cosabella maternity sets — they work with an enormous bump and in the weeks/months following delivery!

+Mother’s milk tea and lactation bars — To be honest, I have no idea if these worked or not. I was never able to produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed either of my children despite a fervent desire to do so. These made me feel as though I was doing something to help. I am pretty sure water and pumping are the best things for increasing supply (the more you pump, the more your body will receive the message that more milk is needed, and — supposedly — the body will eventually catch up. I say supposedly because I tried my hardest at this and my body never caught up. Then again, I think the round-the-clock pumping created so much stress that it inhibited milk production and so was literally counter-productive.) Anyhow, I honestly liked the licorice tea and didn’t hate the taste of the bars, which brings me to the next point —

+Snacks on snacks on snacks. Breastfeeding and caring for a newborn left me insatiably hungry at all hours of the day. I started lining up snacks on my bedside table for my middle-of-the-night feeds so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed! I ate a lot of these Nature Valley Soft Oat bars in the middle of the night. Probably not the healthiest snack but I couldn’t get enough of them and they were blessedly quiet to eat. I also kept a fully loaded fridge with sandwich fixings (ham and swiss on rye, toasted in butter in a pan, is about the most delicious treat you can have at 11 p.m.), tons of fruit, oat milk for bowls of cereal, frozen waffles to slather in peanut butter, good cheese (Eataly sells these incredible little nuggets of individually-wrapped hunks of parmesan that I loveeee), and lots of flavored seltzer water. My advice is to think of quick little meals you can fix in a matter of minutes at any time of day…and then to stock your cupboard with quick grab-and-go snacks. I wish I were the type of woman who would snack on raw almonds and dried fruit, but that’s disingenuous — I’m talking spicy cheez-its level snacking.

+Kindle! My best friend while breastfeeding.

+Extra long charging cord. It’s all about making life as comfortable as possible and not having to move from your bed at night. Also good for when in hospital, when the bed is often far from an outlet! We were also advised to bring an extension cord which came in handy for a laptop to watch re-runs of The Office.

+Breast pump — you can get one for free through your insurance carrier (ask your doctor for a prescription and they will follow up with details). With Emory, I rented a hospital-grade pump for for the first few weeks and it was incredible in terms of efficiency. Then I switched to the insurance-provided Medela Freestyle, which I hated — it felt like it was wheezing and sputtering with every use. With Hill, I had a Spectra S2, which I hated a little bit less — quieter and more powerful than the Medela. I did not like that the pump parts were not dishwasher-safe and I found the “bottles” easy to tip over (ahhhh). But honestly I have bad memories of pumping in general so my emotions are coloring everything! I pray the same not prove true for those you expecting; I know some Magpie Moms have enjoyed their pumping time and/or had the gracious perspective that these tools enabled them to feed their babies while working/if nursing did not work out. I have heard good things about the Elvie wearable pump but not sure how/if that works with insurance — perhaps worth the investment regardless if you are planning to pump a lot. I will recommend buying a set or two of spare pump parts that are compatible with the breast pump you buy so you aren’t hand-washing these items 1,000 times a day. Mr. Magpie still has PTSD from dealing with all of the pump part washing we endured with mini in particular — there was never a moment where those damn things weren’t cluttering the sink! Ha! And then of course you MUST buy a pumping bra so you can pump hands-free.

+These are useful also for baby bottles, but a bottle brush, a large mixing bowl for soaking, unscented (!) dish soap, and Boon drying grass are musts for cleaning all the pump parts.

+A reader made this point in a comment on my newborn gear post, but treat yourself to some new duds that make you feel good! When I was at home and it was cool out, I liked to wear leggings with a nursing tank and a long/duster cardigan. When it was warm, I loved wearing easy button-front dresses — my favorite was this one from Sleeper, which worked with bump, too, and I currently LIVE in my nap dresses (even while not nursing!) and several of them work while breastfeeding. LOVE and can’t recommend strongly enough. Would probably have bought several as a present to myself if I were giving birth this year. Hatch also has some cute ones (I find this brand runs really big), and I LOVED shirtdresses while nursing. I’d pair with Chanel ballet flats or spiffy statement shoes to make myself feel put-together.

+Life lines in the form of other moms going through the newborn days or very empathetic to the travails they entail. I could not have survived without round-the-clock texts of support from my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and a few very close friends (Steph, thank you thank you thank you).

+A couple of TV series you can lose yourself into. One of the fun parts of those hazy newborn days was burning through entire seasons of shows you’ve always been curious about. I watched and loved “Gilmore Girls,” “Downton Abbey,” “Veep,” all of Mindy Kaling’s shows, “The Great British Baking Show,” and I’m sure a few others I can’t now recall.

+Stepstool — if you’re having a scheduled c-section, you will almost certainly need a stool to climb into bed. I did!

+A night light! So handy to not have to turn on all the lights in the room when you are up in the middle of the night. We achieved this with Philips Hue lightbulbs, which we’ve gradually installed in all of our lamps. You can turn it on with Alexa/Siri or your phone and dim it to whatever brightness you like. I know other moms love the Hatch (also a sound machine) — you could keep it in your bedroom until baby is sleeping in the nursery!

Not a Must-Have, but the Luxury I Wish I’d Treated Myself To…

This is not a must-have by any stretch of the imagination — rather, a tremendous and indulgent luxury! — but one thing I really wish I had done for myself after Hill was born was hire a housekeeper. Landon and I drove ourselves insane trying to keep a tidy house during those early months (we are both neatniks, and there is so much stuff going on with bottles, hasty meals, laundry, visitors, and — of course — a toddler in tow that it was an exhausting and constant up-hill battle) and I wish we’d sought help in that department. I would blissfully have spent the extra time doing a million other things — probably would still not have rested (ha!) but it would have been so wonderful to have outsourced that aspect of keeping things afloat.

Maybe for you, the luxury would not be housekeeping — but outsourcing meals (delivery or one of those meal prep services), or laundry (in NY, there are wash and fold services that deliver to your door), or a night nurse.

Or maybe you are in a position where you can ask a parent or sibling to temporarily move in with you or help you out on a regular basis?

The point here is — if there is any way you can get help in a specific category, do it…!

Popular Items That Did Not Work for Me.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge a few items you might consider that did not work for me, but that many other mothers swear by…

+Haakaa — so many moms love this! A lot of the time, moms use these to catch the milk on one side while you are nursing on the other (so horrible to waste the milk your body works so hard to produce!). I never got into the groove with this — I felt like it was just one more thing to fuss with while baby was clamoring for milk, and the bottle was easy to tip over (you can buy stoppers, though), and it was another thing to clean, and sometimes it got things going too well, and then baby would have very little left on the other side. Probably worth a shot, though, if you have more determination than I do.

+Nursing pillows — I never got the hang of these either. I found it much more comfortable/natural to just prop up my arm on a spare bed pillow. I liked these for positioning baby in front of me/to my side while bottle-feeding, though!

+Papablic sterilizer — We simply did not have the counter space in our apartment for something like this, but I see the virtue in it. I have heard conflicting things on sterilizing bottles — my own doctor said it was unnecessary (after an initial sterilization when you first take bottles out of the packaging, which can be done with boiling water on stovetop) given that both of my babies had healthy immune systems and thorough washing with soap and water does kill most germs. With Hill, we ended up dish-washing bottles most of the time to save our sanity, so not even sure we would have used it. The most attractive feature for me? The fact that it reports to fully dry all parts. Even after using the Boon drying grass and leaving out for a few hours, I often used a clean dish towel to wipe bottle parts dry.

+Frida Mom post partum essentials kit. I had two c-sections so did not need these items, but, had I been able to do a VBAC, would have ordered this kit. I believe it has a lot of the same types of items that the hospital provides you with, but have also heard a lot of moms loved this brand in particular for when back at home!

I’m sure I’m missing a couple of things. Mamas, help me out with any holes!

P.S. Oh man, revisiting these breastfeeding and weaning posts gives me all the feels. I feel the rawness and sensitivity in them — ahh! New motherhood is wild, even the second time around. (And some thoughts on that here.)

P.P.S. A random roundup of fun things.

P.P.P.S. New home finds!

By: Jen Shoop

One of the most-asked questions I field via Instagram is how I dress my children so nicely in the face of all of the laundering, stain removal, and ironing it must entail. The truth is that my children also wear a lot of easy-to-care-for cotton separates like peter pan collar dresses from Busy Bees and Luigi for Emory and jeans with long-sleeved polos and printed turtlenecks for Hill, but I do spend a lot of time tending to their dressier clothes. Here’s what works well for us:

For stains, I swear by Palmolive dish soap diluted by hot water, applied directly to the area, and then immediately laundered with The Laundress Baby detergent, and this stiff brush is helpful in the process. For lighter staining/marking/spillage issues, Dreft spray works well.

In general, I really like The Laundress baby detergent. It smells phenomenal and is also very gentle on even the most delicate of clothes. It is not quite as effective as classic Tide, but I find Tide can dullen clothing over time. I spent a lot of time testing different detergent brands and for a time, I thought I liked Mrs. Meyers, but it simply does not clean clothing as well as Tide does, and a few of the other fancier brands are too heavily perfumed for Mr. Magpie’s taste. (People love Glamorous Wash, but it is very strongly scented — Mr. Magpie had me give it away, even when I diluted it with Tide!) In short, I use The Laundress for most things but if there is a big mess or I’m doing a big load of towels dirtied from art projects, I use Tide. I love these dryer sheets (they smell excellent — like roses!) although I just ordered a pack of wool dryer balls because people rave about them and they help with drying items (especially sheets and towels) evenly. You can add a scented dryer ball to the mix if you miss the scent that dryer sheets afford.

If I’m washing something with delicate ties or details, I put it in a mesh bag to keep it separate from other items. If super delicate (or washing my undergarments), I use the delicates wash from The Laundress or Tocca in a Rubbermaid basin.

For sweaters and woolen pieces, I like The Laundress’ Wool and Cashmere shampoo. I will soak pieces in hot water laced with the shampoo and a Rubbermaid basin I have for the purpose and then lay the sweaters on towels to dry. They lose their shape if hung…

For ironing, I’ve mentioned this no less than 235898 times, but I love my Rowenta iron. If you feel like you aren’t good at ironing, try this and realize that half the battle is having the right implement. It heats up near-instantly and gets VERY hot. It also has a good heft to it that enables you to get super crisp edges. I bought a Minky ironing board a few years ago based on stellar reviews and, irritatingly, it wobbles. It wobbles! Basically the one thing you don’t want in an ironing board, and now I’m wondering why I spent $65 on a board that doesn’t work when I could have spent $20 on one that has the same problem. Gr. Is it weird that I want to upgrade to a Brabantia? They are considered la creme de la creme of ironing boards (ha, yes – there is such a thing) and are extra wide, which I would LOVE. (Would shave precious time when ironing sheets!) I can’t justify it at the moment but maybe one day…

I add Laundress ironing water to the water reserve on my Rowenta and it imparts just the slightest scent and I love it. It’s the little things, people. I also tried their starch but didn’t love it. Classic, $2/canister Niagara is where it’s at. I like a super crisp line.

Random other laundry items I love:

+These laundry baskets are just the best. They stack, the handles make for surprisingly easier lifting than you anticipate, and they do not break/warp.

+These battery-operated fabric de-fuzzers are a must. They breathe new life into pilling sweaters.

+I’m now realizing I’m sort of a walking ad for Laundress, but I love their products — they smell great, work great, and are beautifully designed (and marketed). The only item of theirs I haven’t loved is their starch alternative. At any rate, I love their crease release, which I use on my duvet and pillows between launderings to keep things looking spiffy (and smelling fantastic). Don’t get me wrong: it will not substitute for a proper ironing, but it helps keep things a little smoother!

+Rowenta steamer. I upgraded to this a few years ago and it is excellent. I always found that the other ones I tried would squirt water unevenly over the fabric. Never run into that issue with this one, which is higher-powered and more efficient.

And random other laundry items worth a look:

+This cart for stowing laundry essentials. We don’t have a dedicated laundry room, so I keep all items corralled in one of these inexpensive white Container Store bins I keep raving about.

+Would love this laundry compartment hamper for easy sorting into whites, darks, etc.

+A clothing pin organizer!

+Some of you have asked for non-woven laundry baskets, and this one is very chic if you can handle looking at your laundry, and this is the one we have in micro’s bedroom. I like it because you can pull the liner out and bring the load directly to the laundry!

+Totally frivolous, but if you have a proper laundry room, would be amazing to keep detergents and dryer balls in these heritage jars with little scoops.

+These vintage-styled wheeled laundry baskets would make laundry days tres chic.

+For the serious laundry operation, this hanging dryer rack is apparently trademarked and “a part of British households for over 100 years” (?), but I love this wall-mounted style in crisp white.

+I have been eyeing this Le Labo x The Laundress detergent after one of you said you use it only for washing sheets. Love that idea — gives your bed a little extra love but ensures you don’t go through a bottle in zero minutes flat.

+A clever laundry bin for a little one’s room.

Is this enough on the subject of clothing care?! Ha!

P.S. More of my favorite home products and my favorite organization products in case the New Year is bringing you Marie Kondo vibes.

P.P.S. One secret to keeping the nursery tidy, and some cute nursery finds.

By: Jen Shoop

*Image above via Asiyami Gold. Major weekend vibes goals.

My Latest Snag: Taper Candles.

I’ve been burning through (pun intended) so many candles this holiday season — why not? My favorite brand for taper candles is Caspari. They come in great colors (I especially love their metallics), last a long time (other brands burn so much faster), and drip less (though I have yet to come across a taper candle that is truly dripless). Most of the time, I leave out these taper candle holders (I have two sets of them) or these mercury glass ones and arrange them in the center of our dining room table (<<currently on major sale!!!) along with some greens or cut flowers. I usually use a runner beneath, though someone recently told me that “runners are so out of vogue.” Ha! Says who?! I still love a good runner! For a seasonless/everyday look, I usually use this simple quilted runner in white/ivory down the center with the candlesticks and greens on top. However, I have fallen in love with these whimsical leopard candlestick holders for more of a statement, and this modern/architectural style caught my eye, too. Not at all my usual vibe but would look amazing!

For the holidays, I did use these green candlesticks from a different brand because they were the perfect mossy green color. They burned much faster than Caspari but the color was amazing for that grandmillennial vibe we’re all after these days.

You can also find amazing vintage silver candlestick holders on Etsy — these are classic and would look so elegant with a colored taper, these have more of an old Virginia feel to them, and these look like something you inherited from a great-great aunt.

P.S. For pillar candles, I always go with inexpensive, unscented ones from Amazon and then invest in scented candles for around the house. A few of my favorite candles here.

P.P.S. This fun wick trimmer is a lovely little treat for a Saturday morning, as are these decorative match boxes — pretty enough to keep out as a part of a coffee tablescape!

You’re Sooooo Popular: The Bearaby Napper.

The most popular items on le blog this week:

+The Bearaby weighted blanket — perfect for a restful, hygge-filled New Year.

+Ultra-soft jammies. Another great treat for the new year — between these and the blanket, sounds like a lot of us are prioritizing better sleep/rest habits in 2021!

+Knit romper for a little one.

+The Luv Scrub! I’m very into mine — full review forthcoming!

+Turtleneck sweatshirts for the win.

+Absolutely gorgeous bath mat for a great price.

+Everyone’s favorite slippers.

+CHIC Reformation dress, on sale for like 70% off.

+Cutest pom hat for a little love (runs small).

+Amazing STEM magnet toys for little hands — works for children as young as 1.5 years old. My kids love these. Recently, Emory went around the apartment attempting to attach them to everything in the house, including radiators, tables, the fridge, etc. It was so fun to see her begin to figure out how magnets work through trial and error.

Weekend Musings: What Mistake Will You Never Make Again?

I have learned a lot through trial and error — big things (a lot of them in the categories of entrepreneurship and self-care) but little things, too, like the string of weeks I routinely tripped of a specific corner of our dining room carpet while wearing a specific pair of slippers and eventually split my head open. Now I know to take repeated warnings of physical peril seriously. Just move the table that you are always knocking over! Mop the floor if you keep slipping on that one slick spot! Move the garland that you keep nicking as you round the corner of the dining room! (<<These are all things I have done in the past few weeks.) Similarly, I find myself ultra-cautious when running in sludge or ice through Central Park. Just slow down! Walk this bit!

(Does this make me old?)

I have also made countless cooking missteps that I have learned over time to avoid. One of them — so obvious in retrospect — is to remind myself that I control the heat on the stove. Do you ever find yourself frantically chopping because the oil is sizzling and you don’t want it to start burning yet?! I did, for a long time — and then would overcompensate for the high heat by stirring things quickly as they scorched. Then I remembered that I controlled the heat. If I’m not ready for the pan and it’s ready for me, I turn it off. I can always reheat the pan, but I can’t always re-make a dish if I run out of ingredients.

What mistakes will you never make again?

Post-Scripts: The Alpaca Sweater.

+It’s a New Year and you deserve an easy-to-wear new sweater. This one gives me major Hygge vibes.

+I’d willingly learn to be a ski bunny if I could wear this coat.

+And speaking of Max Mara, how amazing is this shearling belt bag?!

+Do you ever break the rules?

+Love these Naghedi totes and this teddy tote from Stand for a new year look.

+A roundup of random but fun discoveries.

+Ooooo this floral, bow-shouldered bodysuit is perfection for summer.

+Unexpected table lamp.

+These plates are spectacular. This is the kind of thing you could just buy two of for a special date at home, or for serving, or for showcasing pretty cookies in a cake dome.

+Gorgeous mortar and pestle. This is the kind of thing that would make a great birthday gift for a home cook — stunning but not crazy expensive. Or, buy for yourself and keep on display on an open shelf!

+Anyone else into feathers RN?

+Such a fantastic floor mirror.

+This dress…! The detail! Ah. I can’t stop staring.

+I truly don’t know what is happening to me but I have been recently seriously drawn to platform heels. (?!) THESE! AHHH.

+Some sweet finds for little ones.

+A major childhood memory.

+Still totally living in turtlenecks and cardigans this winter.

By: Jen Shoop

*Image above via Jenni Kayne, showcasing their covetable shearling slides.

Hyvää uutta vuotta! Buon anno! Bonne Année! Happy New Year!

Sending you the absolute best wishes for this new year, on whose advent many of us have pinned high hopes for a measurable improvement in fate compared to what we collectively endured in 2020. To quote Emily Dickinson:

I wish you a kinder sea.

And to borrow from an old Irish blessing that my first grade teacher, Sister Teresa, had us recite daily in the narrow first-floor classroom of my small parochial grade school:

May the road rise to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

I often think of this generously-spirited couplet while running, when its material aims would afford considerable physical relief, but it’s just dawned on me now, as I peck out this note to you on my laptop, that perhaps those words materialized by divine intervention during this year in which I have often yearned for felicitation, grasping at the slenderest of victories, angling for respite, clawing for good.

So, yes — in 2021, I wish you kinder seas, gentler winds, and a rising tide that will lift all boats…

Cheers Magpies!

Post-Scripts.

+A spiriting post to send us into the new year.

+2020 was definitely a year in which I celebrated the normal days of yore.

+I am currently watching the Hulu adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel, “Normal People,” and whew! Did somebody turn on the heat?! Yowza!

+In advance of more snow, ordering this inflatable snow innertube. We just don’t have the space to stow another bulky seasonal item like a sled, but this can collapse…genius!

+If you staring into the face of an interminably long winter with children, a few thoughts on basement activities that might provide some indoor exercise and/or distraction:

FORT BUILDING KIT (MY SIBS AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THIS)

BALL PIT

CARDBOARD PLAYHOUSE (EMORY WOULD FLIP, ESPECIALLY AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO COLOR/DECORATE!)

SIT AND SPIN

TWISTER OR, FOR LITTLER ONES, THIS BALANCING GAME

SUPERHERO CAPE SET OR PRINCESS DRESS UP KIT

KARAOKE MICROPHONE SET

ENORMOUS PLAY DOH SET WITH CUTTERS

MORE INDOOR ACTIVITIES HERE

+Still on a puzzle kick. I find it so relaxing to work on a puzzle while listening to an audiobook and drinking a cup of tea (this is my all-time favorite flavor) while the children are napping/having quiet time. I used to feel guilty — “I could be doing so much more productive things!” — but now I recognize these little pockets of an hour or so as an opportunity to recharge the batteries in a meaningful way.

+Oof. A little tough to revisit this post on what I learned in 2019. I mean, can we all agree that we aged and matured about two decades in 2020? I don’t even know where to begin with what I learned this year. In some ways, it feels like we’re too close-up to draw any meaningful conclusions. (More on this idea here.)

+I still love the UWS. Not much has changed in that description despite this past year’s strangenesses.

+On that point: NYC is still a shock.

+What are you cooking this year? Any new cookbook recommendations? I could use some inspo — let’s swap ideas? Here are a few beloved recipes you might want to try:

INDOOR BBQ SHRIMP

DELICIOUS COUSCOUS SALAD — IT’S SUMMERY, BUT I EAT IT YEAR ROUND

STEAK + PENNE

+My favorite cookbooks here. (Still love and use all of these routinely.)

+Why is it that certain things pertaining to aging happen in dribs and drabs?

+OK, OK, I’m assuming most of us have already purchased (or over-purchased) winter coats for this season, but this sherpa puffer is excellent. (Still into sherpa, HBU?)

+Do you have an artificial tree? Mr. Magpie has been begging me to switch to artificial for years, and I think I might be waffling finally. I found this clever storage bag in case you need a better place to stow it than free-form in the eaves of your garage (or in a decaying box). (They also have one for wreaths!)

+On the subject of Christmas trees: I’m guessing many of the ornaments I was obsessing about this year will be on sale soon! Post-Christmas is always such a good time to score deals on holiday decor for the next season. And now’s a good time to buy a better storage solution for ornaments.

+Gap has some cute fitness pieces in a great shade of ice blue I’m drawn to — eyeing this shirt and this tie-dyed strappy sports bra.

+Speaking of ice blue, these joggers and this matching sweatshirt are in my cart at the moment. I am trying to hold out until I can legitimize the purchase of a fancier Le Set loungewear situation but the blue is calling my name! And you know j’adore a funnelneck.

+Yes to this striped tee in all the colors.

+More of my shopping list here.

By: Jen Shoop

Had to interrupt my NYE prep (making homemade french onion dip a la Missy Robbins, dulce de leche cheesecake squares from Smitten Kitchen, and an entire seafood plateau) to let you know that Westman Atelier’s unbelievable foundation stick is on sale for 20% off with code 2020FORYOU here. The TL;DR is that this stuff is INCREDIBLE but if you want a detailed review, check out this post. It made my 2020 Favorite Beauty Buys list by a landslide!

I have also been using a couple of other Westman products that I will review in full in the coming weeks but I will spill the tea on this one: this highlighter stick is my BFF for life. It is totally color-free but adds the gleamiest, glowiest airbrushed effect. Obsessed.

I have also been testing their blush stick in the Dou Dou color and I like the color and consistency but am not yet totally adept at applying it without coming on too hot and heavy in the clown department. Anyhow, would urge you (!) to try the foundation stick if you buy nothing else.

Run!

And happy new year!

By: Jen Shoop

*Image above via Caroline Constas. Je l’adore. And my brides to be: she is launching a bridal collection in 2021! Swoon! (Also, witnessing a wedding in the COVID age was moving.)

I go back and forth on resolutions — some years, I take the time to write a few out, and others, I designate a specific word or intention for the year ahead. This year, I have a couple of specific commitments I’m making to myself, and most of them center around self-care:

  1. Persist in my every-other-day running habit, running at last three miles per session, and grafting on some calisthenics and weights afterwards. I would really like to feel strong this year after enduring the flu, COVID-19, and a nasty stomach bug in 2020. Pending pandemic-related logistics, I would love to hire a personal trainer for just a couple of sessions to help me designate a specific and realistic course of weights/calisthenics/stretches to use post-run.
  2. Commit to a reading routine. I averaged about two books/month this year, which felt manageable and decent, but I often leaned on the arbitrary deadline of my book club meetings to binge large portions of my tsundoku. I would love to set aside specific evenings or even portions of my evenings for reading. It’s been tough to balance with my one-on-one time with Mr. Magpie, as we love to use the evenings to go over our “STPs” (Shoop Talking Points — how business gets done around here) and then unwind while watching a show together, but I like the idea carving out some QT with my Kindle. I think I will start by marking Monday night as reading night. I’m such a rule follower — I’m much more likely to follow through when I set something hard-and-fast (and calendar it!)
  3. Double down on skincare. I will be 37 this year and seriously feel I’ve aged two decades since having children and have the face to show for it. Ha! I do not use Botox, so I am slowly making peace with the wrinkles that have come with age and am focusing on getting into a skincare regimen that really works on helping my skin look bright and clear. (I am doubtful any treatment prevents or treats wrinkles…) I have some good components in play already (I specifically think topical Vitamin C has done wonders for brightening my skin — I have tried a number of different brands and frankly they all work very well; this is a great and inexpensive formula if you want to test without breaking the bank) but my specific goals are to finally dominate the occasional breakouts that I have battled since 13 and achieve a Courtney-Grow-status glow. I’ll be chronicling all my experiments in future “Honest Review” posts, but right now, I’m in the midst of testing a pattern of retinoids (I am using Differin on the recommendation of countless Magpies) and glycolic acid (I use these wipes). Currently, I have a three-day cycle: Differin one night, glycolic acid the next, then a hydrating face mask the third (I really love Philip Thomas Roth’s rose stem cell mask, which I think they might be discontinuing as it is increasingly difficult to find, but each tub lasts an eternity…buy now and you’ll be set for, like, a decade.)
  4. Uphold the one-screen-at-a-time rule. Since around Thanksgiving, I have been ruthless in upholding this rule in the evenings by banning cell phone use once I’m in bed and moving my cell phone out of reach while we are watching TV in the evenings. It has been unbelievably healthful and deeply satisfying. I sleep better (!!! so much better!!! have not slept this well in my entire life) and feel as though I enjoy myself much more while watching TV and reading. It also feels that my evenings are far longer and more graciously-paced! I could do better on this front during the day, and, as a corollary, could be better in general about not using my phone when with the children, but the one-screen-at-a-time prohibition is an easy mnemonic to start with.
  5. My intention for the year is grace, which has many meanings, all of which I love, but I am specifically dialed in on the notion of courteous goodwill toward others. This means giving people the benefit of the doubt, creating space for them and their feelings, and also — and this is a key one I picked up from a Magpie commenter earlier this year (read Beth’s comment) — acknowledging that I cannot control how others will react or respond and accepting that truth with calm understanding.

Any you want to share?

Post-Scripts: 2021 Shopping List.

+Thanks to many reader suggestions, I am now following skincare guru Caroline Hirons. She has several helpful cheat sheets with useful tips on designing your own skincare regimen. One thing that surprised me was how many products she uses — wow! It’s encouraged me to try a cocktail of products, though I am going slowly and adding individual items one at a time so I can isolate ones that aren’t working for me. I find the order of products she lists especially enlightening. At any rate, one refrain of hers is that the single-most important product category to invest in is serums. One of the ones she loves (and so does the gorgeous Courtney Grow, mentioned above) is Clarins’ Double Serum, which apparently Clarins sells one of every few seconds. It is a long-time best-seller. I finally bought this to layer on top of my Vitamin C. I am still researching Hirons’ suggested ordering of products and have a few blank spaces in my own regimen, but this is an exciting start.

+More beauty finds for the new year here, and my favorite beauty buys from last year here.

+I ordered this day designer for myself for the new year. Last year, I used an undated weekly calendar pad most of the year, which I liked because I am a leftie and there was no binding to contend with, but I did miss having the calendar days easy to access and found I was often penciling them in for pages weeks and weeks out. (More agendas here.)

+I bought mini her own wall calendar (she loves Snoopy) this year, too, an idea I lifted from mini’s Montessori, which hosts a number of helpful parent education nights throughout the year. We had a fairly bumpy time getting mini out the door for school towards the end of the year, and I think it was related to the strange and inconsistent schedule from Thanksgiving onward — it really threw her for a loop and she was always asking “do I have school today? Do I have a half day? Is tomorrow the weekend?” One of the school’s suggestions (more generally related to minimizing toddler tantrums) was to hang a calendar on the wall so that children know what to expect the following day. Time is such a complicated concept, and most toddlers thrive on routine and/or well-set expectations. Our plan is to work the calendar into mini’s nightly routine, i.e., after brushing teeth, we talk about what’s going on tomorrow, and for the rest of the week.

+New workout gear to help with my exercise commitment! I have written about most of these items already quite a bit, but on my list/already bought:

TRACKSMITH MERINO BASE LAYER AND TURNOVER TIGHTS

ALO RETRO TUBE SOCKS (THE ICE BLUE!)

MORE LULULEMON ALIGN

RUNNING VEST

YOGA MAT FOR AT-HOME EXERCISE (THIS $24 MAT ALSO GETS AMAZING REVIEWS)

MY FAVORITE ATHLETIC WATER BOTTLE — THE SPORTS NOZZLE IS AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH I’VE GIVEN IT AS A GIFT TO SEVERAL PEOPLE

NEOPRENE-COATED FREE WEIGHTS

+Other highly random finds for the new year:

CALDREA MAKES BEAUTIFULLY SCENTED COUNTER-TOP SPRAYS

A SELFIE LIGHT (I MEAN…IT’S 2021, WHY NOT?)

THIS TAPER CANDLE HOLDER IS AMAZING

HOW DARLING IS THIS PINK AND WHITE STRIPED POT HOLDER SET?!

THIS BODY SCRUB IS IN MY CART THANKS TO A READER REC

I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF TOWELS BY MATOUK AND YVES DELORME FOREVER, BUT AM CURIOUS ABOUT BOLL & BRANCH SINCE I HAD SUCH A GOOD EXPERIENCE WITH THEIR SHEETING…I WISH THEY HAD MORE BOLD DESIGNS, BUT THERE’S SOMETHING APPEALING ABOUT A PILE OF FLUFFY WHITE TOWELS ANYWAY

THIS NIGHTGOWN FOR MINI!!!! TRULY WISH THEY HAD IT IN MY SIZE

LUSTING AFTER THESE SANDALS FOR SPRING

OBSESSED WITH THIS REVERSIBLE QUILTED PULLOVER

THIS SIMPLE PLAID CAMEL SCARF IS TO DIE FOR (AND ONLY $26!)

DARLING BLUE FLORAL PUFFER COAT FOR MINI

SOME CUTE NEW STATIONERY

NEW PILLOWS FOR OUR LIVING ROOM

P.S. In case you’re in the mood to organize.

P.P.S. Some of our favorite weeknight meals.

P.P.P.S. For my recently engaged Magpies.

By: Jen Shoop

Some great sale finds today from my startlingly quiet and relaxing home (children are both outside enjoying the 30 degree weather…brrr, but the Swedes tell me “there’s no such thing as bad weather”) —

+20% off orders over $150 at Blue Mercury, which makes the Chantecaille mask everyone is raving about compelling to purchase now. I also have to say that I’ve been using this Clarins Double Serum for the past few weeks (full review forthcoming) and WOW. I am obsessed. To be honest, I feel like several of the serums I’ve tried are very good, but when I apply this one, my skin absolutely glistens and glows in the best possible way and it smells like heaven. I have also liked Ole Henriksen’s Truth Serum and Vintner’s Daughter in the past — all three of these are excellent! — but I’m super digging Clarins at the moment, which comes highly recommended by virtually everyone. Other items to consider: people (including many Magpies) rave about this Skinceuticals antioxidant treatment, and I’m intrigued by this well-reviewed eye glow/illuminator with SPF. And of course there’s always La Mer — always a treat to score a price break on that wonder cream.

+MZ Wallace is offering an extra 20% off its already discounted Crosby styles with code BOXINGWEEK. I can’t recommend their backpacks enough if you are a mother, especially one living in an urban area. They have made taking the Subway with babies and chasing after little ones at the playground much, much easier. I have a slightly different style, but I do love the Crosby and you can’t beat the price break. This would also be a chic pick without children!

+Extra 40% off Anthropologie’s tag sale items (discount applied in cart) — and these earrings in the pearl are beyond (and only $17!!!), these amazing everyday flats are $41, a grandmillennial update to your favorite handbag, a super-fun cardigan, and an absolutely stunning statement necklace (great for a bride, but I’m eyeing for myself).

+I just noticed that the running vest I ordered for myself (in porcelain pink) is now marked down to under $70 (orig $148)!!!

+Ellifox just marked down some fantastic children’s finds, including several styles/colors of these pima cotton everyday dresses I love to send mini to school in, roll-neck sweaters for boys (if you have a baby boy now, buy this for next Christmas in the 24M!), Petite Plume nightgowns (mini owned this last summer – beyond darling; sizing runs fairly generous); and Florence Eiseman shortalls (these and the ones from Busy Bees have been my favorites on Hill).

+Extra 30% off and free shipping on Beaufort Bonnet’s sale section with code HELLO2021. Don’t miss —

CUTEST RAIN SLICKERS (I’VE BOUGHT SEVERAL FOR MINI AND THEY ALWAYS GARNER SO MANY COMPLIMENTS!)

DARLING ROMPER FOR BABY BOY (I GOT ONE MONOGRAMMED FOR HILL — IT WAS BEYOND)

NOT TOO EARLY TO THINK ABOUT A BACK TO SCHOOL LOOK…

HILL OWNED THIS PRECIOUS HAT…SWOON! LOVE THIS ON A BABY FOR FOJ

OF COURSE THEIR NIGHT NIGHTS! (BUY NOW FOR NEXT YEAR’S CHRISTMAS!)

P.S. More recent sale finds!

By: Jen Shoop

Below, another draft chapter from a longer form fictional piece I have been working on. You can also read one of my favorite draft sections — Chapter 7 — here.

******

We weren’t all the way gone, but we’d had enough champagne that the air swelled thick around us and I felt a profligate billow of kinship toward the rest of the wedding party, who had been — truth be told — a pain throughout the weeks leading up to the wedding in Vieste.

Violet’s friends were odd.

“They’ve always been a bunch of hippies,” Powell had offered offhandedly, inspecting his shave in the mirror, then tapping his razor on the sink’s edge in a motion I was sure he’d pocketed from his father.

“Hippies?” I turned the phrase over cautiously, though I was swayed by his casual decidedness.

“Yeah. Out there.”

There was Lele, a voluptuous platinum blond from “Philadelphia…the Main Line,” as she put it, which I took to mean “the wealthy bits” from the way she cast her eyes around the group, though I wouldn’t have known, having grown up in provincial D.C. Native Washingtonians made a point of remaining willfully under-informed about the neighborhoods in other metropolitan areas: “she lives…oh, I don’t know anything about Philadelphia,” Violet had said, waving her hand dismissively and rolling her eyes. “And who, honestly, cares?” Lele appeared to, of course, but I found myself blinking blankly nonetheless whenever she broached the subject, Violet’s shrug a benediction in my disinterest in this matter. Lele had an impressive roundup of designer handbags and was conspicuously, irritatingly negligent with fine jewelry her parents had given her. “My dad gave these to all of us at our fifteenth birthday,” she had said, never pausing to explain the plural of “us” as she tossed a wristwatch whose label I wasn’t well-initiated enough to know into a mound of soiled clothes in her leather duffel, not caring to isolate it in any way from the violence of hairbrush bristles and the like. She’d worn an Hermes scarf wrapped around her neck about fifty times like a flight attendant to Violet’s bachelorette party.

I knew I wasn’t one to judge, as I routinely slept in pearl studs and had my parents to thank for the carelessness with which I’d selected my undergraduate major (English), but still.

So that was Lele.

There was Maria Gracia, a stunning Spaniard with sun-kissed hair and hazel eyes who wore flower wreaths non-ironically and tucked her long, tanned limbs up beneath her while sitting at the dining table and usually broke into and out of lispy Spanish with such fluidity that I don’t know even she knew what language she was speaking. Violet had just met her a few months prior to the engagement. Now, the maid of honor. This came as no surprise, as Violet tended to frolic through friendships wantonly, until they bored her or failed to serve her in some way–but even still, I felt I deserved the position, having seen her through the ungainliness of puberty and the intense epistolarity that defined our college years and the self-centered inelegance of teendom and having accommodated with minimal judgment that period of time when she wore wide-leg corduroys for nearly two months straight. She, of all people, could pull them off, as she was tall and lean and purposeful and seemed to have been born middle-aged. It was all a tradeoff, a balancing act, after all. All of it. Like driving into my parents’ country club in my father’s ancient blue Subaru, its suspension sounding like a tired boxspring as it lurched over the speed bumps, accelerating all the way to the end of the lot, past the recent-year Mercedes and BMWs and Range Rovers, wearing a Lilly Pulitzer dress with my hand on a small wicker Bahama bag. And it somehow compensated. I belonged, but I didn’t. My carte d’entree was in no ambiguous terms the good fortune of being born to my parents, and at the same time, I drove a shared and non-frivolous family car from 1991 and had purchased the dress all on my own from a summer internship at The Phillips Collection, even when most of my high school friends passed their summers at the pool, and it had been me who had applied blindly to the position, unbeknownst to my parents and certainly without their hands in the matter. Well, that was not strictly true in the sense that the hiring manager had a daughter who had just been accepted into the all-girls high school I attended and so I was fairly certain I’d waltzed into a kind of unearned avuncular relationship with him, a detail I preferred to omit when reflecting on the whole thing, though I knew — I knew! — I was again the beneficiary of my parents’ largesse in this case. Regardless, I had spent the summer doing manual data entry for the Development Office using a clunky donor database amidst the soulless sobriety of a too-cold building off Mass Avenue, wearing black patent flats and pencil skirts and an over-eagerness I now regret. More than once, I had hesitated while typing out the contact information of friends of my parents. I felt a dizzying rush when I contemplated these facts: that it wouldn’t have been out of the ordinary to be invited to spend the day at the home of one of these wealthy people, and yet here I was pecking out their personal information for solicitation so that I could buy a $128 dress that made me feel relevant at the country club to which our families both belonged, the Subaru notwithstanding.

Violet, too, belonged and did not. She wore the clumsiest things and yet anyone who met her — and I mean anyone! even serious people, like my father’s stuffy lawyer friends — was transfixed by her green eyes and her quirkiness and her enthusiastic manner and the way her little rabbit nose wrinkled up with mischief. It wouldn’t have been surprising to find her thirty minutes into a chirpy conversation with the stodgy dean of students from our grade school at a cocktail reception. Wherever she went: she belonged, but she didn’t. But maybe this was what it meant to grow up, our inheritances jangling against our idiosyncrasies as we negotiated our way through things, stitching and unstitching ourselves, pausing to investigate the seams or ponder what we might look like from the outside in, until one day, we’d stop and say: This is me, this is it. I’ve materialized.

Or, I hoped, at the age of twenty-three, that day would come.

But Violet belonged and didn’t in a peculiar way. Because even sometimes when I could see the air leaving the room as she’d prattle on about this or that strange lark, she was so damned attractive — her long fingers, her dark lashes, the spray of freckles across her shoulders — that no one much cared. Oh, that’s just Violet. There was a making of space for her. She was a novelty. She was the type to dazzle the table at dinner parties with a cheeky anecdote from her travels abroad, to order a martini at lunch much to everyone’s shock and pleasure (“Hendrick’s gin, please, do you mind?” — and how did she know to ask for such things at eighteen, as though she even had the palate to discern the difference?), to run barefoot through a piazza in some ancient Italian town, to leave a devious note on a dashboard (“beautiful smile, call me —– love, v”), to prance out of a restaurant with a champagne flute in hand, to crawl into bed with you at 5:44 in the morning and tell you, sighingly, about her misadventures, her mascara smeared and her dress still damp but all of her — all of her! right down to the soles of her feet! — still somehow radiantly, winningly beautiful.

And yet she could be viciously withholding.

I could still feel the burn of her indifferently boisterous entry into the hotel suite in Vieste, arm linked with Maria Gracia–how I felt deliberately un-seen even though I was standing there at her mercy and beckon, exhausted from a twelve-hour coach trip from JFK to this small town in Italy for her wedding to a man I’d never met.

I’d just stood there, shifting feet.

So, no. I was not entirely surprised though not entirely unhurt by her announcement that the statuesque Maria Gracia would be the maid of honor in her sudden wedding to Filippo. A lump had formed in the back of my throat when I heard from Powell’s mother (!) that “oh, that Spanish girlfriend of hers that’s always hanging around, she’s the maid of honor, I think.” She had been swiping crumbs off the wooden table in their dining room, glancing through the window, momentarily distracted by the Oriole that had landed on a branch just outside. A divine contrivance if I’d ever seen one, that Oriole, affording me a split-second to arrange a smile onto my face and feign to have already known about this wounding decision of Violet’s — Vivi’s, as she currently presented herself — while meticulously erecting a tiny and imaginary chain link fence around myself. I’d crossed a threshold: apprehending, all at once, that though I might be formed and unformed by forces far greater than I, that I could still have the self-possession to distance myself from friends like Violet. We had grown up together, that was all. I owed her nothing, save for discretion in divulging some of our diablerie as teens; that seemed protected by a girl code with which I dared not tamper.

I owed myself much more.

But, Maria Gracia — of the bunch, possibly a hippie. Moreso than Lele, moreso than Georgina, a feigned bohemian. She was the type who threw open windows at parties to smoke her clove cigarettes and inevitably “wound up” with some kind of strange tiara or feathered stole that appeared more planned than I’m sure she thought — and she was loud. And at the same time we all knew that she worked for the Department of Transportation and had earned good marks in school and came from an upstanding family of God-fearing Southern Baptists and drove, dutifully, to visit her grandmother every Sunday wearing a J. Crew twinset.

Oh, it was an odd bunch.

There was so much pretending and projecting that I’d had to excuse myself, dizzied, from one particularly loathsome dinner to stand in silence looking out across the Adriatic Sea. I had been loosely and superciliously aware of my own brooding performance at that moment, but I chose to disregard it. I was young and woefully self-absorbed.

Powell had been upstairs, in the hotel room, and I had longed to go to him, to flick off my shoes and flop onto the bed and distance myself from the strangenesses of the evening by letting them tumble out between us, across the bed, out into the purple-black abandon of the night.

“Hippies,” I had said again, absent-mindedly. “I don’t think that’s the right word.”

As we stood on the terrace on Violet’s wedding night, though, I hooked my arm around Georgina’s neck, and she made a purring noise.

“Hippie,” I said to her, lingering between affection and mild aspersion, the shape of the word new and not entirely unappealing in my mouth. She threw her head back with laughter and raised her glass against the blue-gray of the Adriatic in front of us. I didn’t mind much the mild disturbance we caused.

“That’s a thing of beauty coming from you.”

All at once, the moment turned ashen, the headiness of the evening dissolving into an unpleasant thrum. It was the familiar dizziness of seeing myself in a different light, as others must see me. I dropped my arm from Georgina and scanned the crowd for my Powell.

By: Jen Shoop

There are a number of Magpie readers expecting their first babies (and a couple of mothers expecting #2, #3 and even #4!) who have reached out with newborn-related inquiries in the past few weeks, and while I can barely remember the newborn days (God’s way of ensuring women are open to having more than one child?), I do handily recall a few products that I leaned on heavily those hazy first few weeks. I think that if you only bought the following items, you would be more or less squared away until the baby is a few months old…

1 // [ED NOTE: I believe the Boppy lounger has been recalled at this point! I think the bigger point is having several places to ‘put baby down’ — rule of thumb being have one ‘baby holder’ in each room!] Dock a Tot or Boppy Lounger. I had the latter (a fraction the cost of the Dock-a-Tot), but the former comes in prettier prints. Whichever you go with, these serve an urgent purpose: they give you an extra space to put down the baby when you are not feeding, burping, or rocking. I love these cushions in particular because they are lightweight and portable — you can plop them down on the couch, on a table, on the floor of a bathroom, etc. — and they work from the day the baby is born (other contraptions like swings/bouncers may not). You can also swaddle them and put them down for naps in these, feed them bottles while propped up in these next to you, etc.

2 // Baby Bjorn Mini. Simply the easiest-to-use carrier I ever tried. I really wanted to be one of those baby-wearing moms, but I never felt like I got the hang of the slings/wraps, and I tried three — I always felt like my babies were falling out of them? I am sure this was user error but the Baby Bjorn mini enabled me to carry Hill around everywhere and partially fulfill my dream of being a baby-wearer. This is SO easy and comfortable to use! I’ve written about this extensively elsewhere, but I feel like so many of the baby carriers try to do too much. Wear to the front! The back! Facing upside down! Doubles as a backpack! Includes a sun visor! Because of this, a lot of carriers are over-engineered and have too many straps and clasps. (Is there anything more alarming than finding your way into one and then ending up with random snaps and straps in your hand? Like, where does this go?) This one has a simpler purpose: it makes carrying a baby under a year a dream.

3 // Ubbi Diaper Pail. Not the area you want to scrimp — these are attractive and contain the smell.

4 // Tubby Todd Ointment. Just the best. Works on anything from baby acne to diaper rush to dry skin. Still buy this in bulk to use on my children!

5 // Kissy Kissy footies. My favorite brand — the sweetest prints, the softest cotton, and they hold up excellently in the wash. Whenever my mom asked me if I needed anything for the babies, I’d ask for more Kissy Kissy footies.

6 // Philips Avent bottles. Some babies prefer certain brands (and their nipples) over others, and so I bought a couple different brands for both children, but these were always everyone’s favorite. They make mixing formula easy because the mouth is wide, and they don’t come with like ten parts (some bottles have so many components). I also like that this brand has nipples with different speeds — you can swap out the “0” or “1” speed for “2, 3, 4” as baby grows and becomes more adept at using the bottle. Interestingly, mini went from 0-speed to 4-speed within a year but Hill has always been happy at speed 2! Philips Avent also comes in 4 oz and 8 oz sizes, but the tops/nipples are interchangeable, which was great. Other popular brands we tried: Comotomo (shape is supposed to mimic mom’s breast better than others — I found this one more likely to leak and easier to knock over on the bedside table, but the babies liked it; on the plus side, it has an extra-wide mouth so it made formula mixing SUPER easy) and LifeFactory (the mouth is super-narrow and difficult to mix formula in, and I found the nipple more difficult for my children to use — it’s a little firmer than others — but it is glass, and I know that some moms prefer that to plastic!)

7 // OXO Weighted Wipes Dispenser — I can’t imagine life without this. (Still.) It enables you to grab just one wipe with one hand. (You tap the top once and it springs open. You grab one wipe, single-handed — not a chain of 34 or a clump stuck together.) An absolute must-have. Anything that enables you to do anything with one hand as a parent is worth it.

8 // Sleep to Dream swaddles — I am a total convert. I used old-fashioned swaddles with mini but these were a godsend because Hill really liked to sleep with his hands up by his face (he was always angrily writhing out of my swaddles!) but these prevented him from waking himself with his own startle reflex. Absolutely brilliant.

9 // 1212 onesies. My favorite. So soft and so thoughtfully-designed — the lap-shoulder opening makes it easy to take on and off baby’s delicate head without any yanking, and there are only two snaps at the crotch! Two, not three!

10 // OXO formula dispenser. If you are using formula or supplementing with it, this will be your best friend. It has obvious uses outside the home, but I found it a Godsend for nighttime, when I’d measure out enough formula in each compartment for all three nighttime feeds, pre-fill bottles with the appropriate amount of water, and have it all lined up on my bedside table.

11 // Monte Ninna Nanna Bassinet. Truthfully, any bassinet would work — I just love the design of this style (I have a slightly older model that is all wood). I did not try the Snoo because I’d invested in the Monte before it was really a thing, but I would be intrigued if I were a new mom! I think you can rent it, which is brilliant especially for urban moms. I’m currently in a situation where I just cannot part ways with the bassinet (I am so irrationally attached to it!) and yet it takes up SO much space in our apartment! I also think the Stokke Sleepi (especially the mini style — perfect for small apartments or if you have twins!) is attractive and can see the appeal of the Halo Bassinest, which more or less becomes like a sidecar off your bed — i.e., a dream for nighttime feeds.

12 // 4Moms Swing. Another heavily, heavily used item in our home. Basically, the more places you have to “put down your baby” (safely) so you can wash the dishes, take a shower, or just glaze over in front of the TV, the better. Both of my babies loved this, but the Baby Bjorn bouncer is another good contender — takes up a little less space and more attractive to look at. Both items are a bit of a risky buy since some babies HATE swings, or HATE bouncers, or HATE both, but I say go for one or the other because when you are exhausted, you will happily pay $200 to attempt to give yourself a break for some stretch of time. Worth the risk.

13 // Bugaboo Stroller. Hot debate between the Bugaboo and Uppababy, but I love our Bugaboo. The point is to find a stroller that meets your needs. Because we live a pedestrian life, we have found the full feature stroller a necessity — like our traveling home base! — and I love how easy-to-use and lightweight this one is compared to other brands. (It also comes with great accessories, including a foot board for Emory to ride on, a snack tray, cupholders, etc.)

14 // Nuna Pipa Carseat. Ultra-safe and one of the lightest-weight on the market (maybe still the lightest weight?), which is important because you WILL find yourself near-dragging it down a street in haste at some point. I also like that this is compatible (with the purchase of adapters) with a lot of other stroller sets, including the Bugaboo and Yoyo, which we also own.

15 // Aden + Anais Burpy Bibs. These and plain-old Gerber cloth diapers were my favorite burp cloths because they are both highly absorbent and ultra-soft. The Burpy bibs earn a slight edge because I like the design — fit around the crook of your neck when burping a baby over your shoulder, but can also be used as a bib for feeding baby from a bottle (it snaps around baby’s neck). Genius.

Three smaller items I loved but that aren’t quite as urgent as the items above — these fleece booties (only ones I found that actually stayed on baby’s foot), Wubbanub pacifiers (cute but have the more important functions of keeping the pacifier in baby’s mouth — harder for them to displace — and being easier to retrieve/find under crib), and Boon drying grass.

If you are having your first, I feel very confident that if you buy the items above, you will be well teed-up for at least the first few months. You can get by without a baby bath (sink works), baby gym/mat (old quilt works), and even a proper changing table (if you are like me, and baby sleeps in your room, you will do most diaper changes at the foot of your bed) until the baby is older! We also used a sound machine with both babies but in retrospect I’m not totally sure it was necessary. (I think it’s important to have babies adjust to the ambient sounds of the house and its inhabitants at some point…!) You can even hold off on the baby monitor until baby is out of your room, if you’re deferring purchases for whatever reason. (We have the Infant Optics one, which has served us well and without many complaints for almost four years now, and you can even add extra cameras onto it — which we did when Hill was younger and we wanted to keep an eye on both babies simultaneously. This Eufy was not out when I bought the I.O. nearly four years ago, but I would probably pick it if I were buying now — it gets even better reviews.)

I am not even touching upon items you need for yourself — breast bump, nipple cream, etc — but will work on that post shortly!

You got this, mama!

P.S. How to build a baby layette.

P.P.S. The lopsided dance of motherhood.

P.P.P.S. To the new mom feeding her baby at 3 a.m.

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