Y’all, I am old.
I’ve talked about being in my 30s quite a bit recently, but I am really feeling my age these days. Let me explain:
+My ankles and knees creak and crack so much that I find myself doing a weird curtsy bend thing to prevent myself from putting all my weight on my legs when I’m trying to sneak out silently from minimagpie’s nursery. Otherwise, my joints are wont to rouse her from her slumber.
+People call me “ma’am” instead of “miss.”
+Pandora clearly, nearly explicitly has me pegged as a 30-something mom in the market for diapers, cars, and Slack (?). The way the Internet markets to me essentially holds a ginormous mirror up to my face and yells: “You are no longer in your 20s! You only like boring things!”
+I complain about boring things, like the dry cleaner not having my clothes ready, and the inconvenience of going to the post office, and plumbing issues.
+I spend the better part of my week inside a grocery store or post office. [Or so it feels.]
+I have made a point of getting to know my mailman and UPS guy by name. [Who uses FedEx?]
+I cut coupons. I also tend to forget said coupons in our “coupon drawer,” aka a black hole where my best intentions go to die, so maybe I’m not yet in full-on adult mode.
+I have something called a “coupon drawer.”
+I keep reusable grocery bags in our car and the basket of our stroller, because “I don’t want to have to pay that damn bag tax!” [“Grumble-grumble-Rahm-Emmanuel-GRUMBLE.” Also, it’s better for the environment, but mainly, GRUMBLE GRUMBLE.]
+I read the neighborhood newsletter aloud to Mr. Magpie. We do this semi-facetiously: “Oh, look, another West Town Gazette to enjoy over coffee!” he chimes, jokingly, as he tosses it to me. But then we actually do pay attention to the crimes reported, the houses bought and sold, the restaurants opening and closing.
+For the coup de gras, let me recount a conversation from a blogger event I recently attended:
Blogger 1: “Are you going to Lolla[palooza] this weekend?”
Blogger 2: “No, but I’ve been before. Who are you going to see?”
Blogger 1: “[Bands I’ve never heard of.]”
Blogger 2: “Are you excited to see Blink 182? I know people are going crazy over them.”
Blogger 1: “Blink? Who are they?”
Blogger 2: “Some 90s band, I think?”
I recount this conversation not to cast shade on these two bloggerinas (both, incidentally, lovely, well-appointed, kind girls), but to share the soul-crushing feeling of realizing just how wide a swathe of time and culture there is between myself and these early-20s chickadees.
I felt the earth move from underneath me and suddenly saw myself as my parents, when they told me about some of their favorite acts from back in the day — “You mean you’ve never heard of The Mamas and the Papas?” “Mick Jagger…yes, Mick Jagger. You don’t know Mick Jagger?!” “You know, Elton John did more than just sing a version of that Lion King song.”
“Some 90s band.”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I am old, y’all.
On a completely unrelated note (though…come to think of it, monograms are kind of an old person thing, too?), I thought I’d share some favorite monogrammed items I’ve come across — many very affordable from Etsy! You can either shop them by clicking the items in the collage below, or skip to the bottom for details! Note that TWO Etsy stores have provided us Magpies with coupon codes!!!
Pick No. 1: The Cursive Necklace
Pick No. 2: The Personalized Tervis Tumbler (with Coupon Code!)
I just ordered a few of these monogrammed Tervis Tumblers ($15) from Etsy store Pretty Little Pillow for various friends celebrating birthdays in the coming months — I own two and I use them literally every night because I like ice cubes but hate when the glass sweats and leaves a mark on my bedside table / ruins a book / drips all over my Kindle, and Tervis Tumblers do NOT sweat! They’re also unbreakable. THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST. The sweet owner of the Etsystore, Jade, is a school teacher in Atlanta and runs her Etsy store as a side-hustle (get it, girl). She’s offered us Magpies 10% off with code magpie10 from today through next Tuesday! THANK YOU, JADE!
I also own some plastic reusable Lilly Pulitzer tumblers similar to these ($32 for 4) and find they come in serious handy when we have a lot of guests in town — unbreakable, people!
Pick No. 3: The Monogrammed Notepad
Anyone else a list-maker like myself? I have notepads in every drawer of my house. This one ($18+) on Kraft paper is right up my alley. Love the unique monogram options, especially those big block letters.
Pick No. 4: The Personalized Puzzle (with Coupon Code!)
What an adorable gift for a little kiddo ($29)! Would look great in a nursery, too. These puzzles are the handiwork of a small, home-based family business in rural southwestern Minnesota whose wood shop is a renovated old red dairy bar.
As former Peace Corps volunteers, the shop owners (and parents of four children!) donate to Peace Corps Youth Development Projects around the world for every toy they sell. #LOVE
These kind folks offered us 10% off a single order through the end of August with. code MAGPIE10 (good for one use, expires 8/31/17).
Pick No. 5: The Monogrammed Waffle Robe
Mr. Magpie and I have been through two of these waffle robes ($129) apiece because we wear (and wash) them so frequently. They are the ABSOLUTE BEST, COMFIEST, FLUFFIEST things ever. I feel like I’m at a spa any time I slip into mine.
Pick No. 6: The Monogrammed Apron
Coming off the heels of my roundup of THE BEST cookbooks — who wouldn’t love a monogrammed apron ($29) in the sweetest gingham check ($23)?
Pick No. 7: The Monogrammed Pagoda Napkin
I mean, how adorable ($12+)?!
Pick No. 8: The Personalized Throw Blanket
A personalized herringbone throw ($122) is a great gift — we received two of these for our wedding and they’ve stood the test of time. You’ve probably seen them quite often on my Instagram as we often throw it over the sofette in our breakfast nook to protect it from dirty puppy paws.